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have you ever read the headlines of a magazine or online site that said “how to achieve a flawless face in 5 minutes”, or “learn how to cover those zits like an expert”?

have you, like i have, exclaimed, “ooh yes i need to know how!” then flipped the pages in glee, only to be greeted by a model, printed on glossy pages, staring right back at you, with a face that is already flawless? she either already has perfect skin or has been perfectly doctored by photoshop. and oh let’s not forget the pro cameraman and award-winning make up artist who did the shoot. basically, the model with her perfect skin, can always do a 5-minute face because all she really needs is lip gloss. and the apparent “zit” that they show you how to cover, never looks like it even existed anyway.

then there are magazines and blogs that tell you to be fabulous. and yes, we all do want to be fabulous! i know i do. and don’t lie! you do too! you want to be fabulous and fierce. even fiercer than all the drag queens out there put together.

but is it just me, or is 99.99999999% of those “always so positive” magazines and fashion blogs out there, owned and run by people who 1) have great skin, 2) have pretty eyes, 3) are skinny, and 4) have already been blessed with all of the above and more?

damn right they’d better be fabulous. if god has blessed them with all that, and they still look and behave like crap, then what do the rest of us have to look forward to?

i’m an average asian girl. i’m short, like 160cm or just about 5 feet 3. and i’m stubby. always ways, always will be, and honestly, getting pudgier by the day. i was 3800g at birth. i’ve never had a baby before but i’m told that that’s a fat-ass baby to be carrying around (sorry mom). i used to be fit and ate whatever i wanted when i played competitive sports. then i stopped playing and continued eating and gained only about 10kg (20 lbs??).

i can’t do anything about my height. i mean, sure i’ve always wanted to be supermodel-tall, but i’m not about to try one of those crazy bone-breaking, height-growing operations. and my weight, yeah it’s my own fault i grew sideways instead of up, and i recently started exercising again.

but what about other things that i can’t change? skin, for example. i’ve talked about my skin problems a few times before. i don’t think about it all the time now. but i used to have pretty clear skin, and then boom! one day right after senior prom (phew! at least god gave me till prom, ok??) the major acne devil decided that i was to be his next victim. i’m not even kidding. it was really, really bad. i got my make-up for prom done at this quack place, and i remember thinking that those make-up brushes looked really dirty and dodgy. i broke out bad the next day, but i thought maybe it was some weird hormonal thing. but the break outs never stopped from then on, and for a year i had full-blown acne.

i make it sound like full-blown aids and although it wasn’t life-threatening, i certainly felt like dying. it took away a lot of my confidence. those 2 years of my life were my darkest and saddest. i was going through a rough patch where really, nothing was going right at all. my family was breaking apart (and i can’t go into that at the moment because it’ll just make me cry). one of my dogs, misty had died and i missed her terribly and blamed myself for her death. and then there was acne.

it wasn’t a bad day where i could just stay in bed and go to sleep, and tomorrow would be a better day, no. my tomorrows were just as bad, and the days after that were even worse. there were days after days when my entire family would just be arguing and having the biggest fight, and i’d be crying my head off. and i’d go to my room and see myself in the mirror, and cry even more.

i didn’t recognise who it was, staring back at me. “this isn’t me,” i thought. i never used to cry like this. i was always happy. i had the ability to find ways to make myself happy, to laugh, to make other people laugh, and i had the loudest laugh of all. i never used to cry over anything. it wasn’t just an emotional and mental stranger looking back at me in the mirror. physically, i didn’t recognise myself either. my entire face was filled with bright red bumps. i got so angry with this stranger, i remember taking some scissors one day, and i scratched into my closet, right next to my mirror, the words “i hate you.”

“you”, were many things. it was life, it was god, it was the acne, it was the problems plaguing my family, it was the tears, it was the anguish, it was the anger, pain, and hurt.

and it was me.

i had so many highs in my life before all that happened. i thought i was the luckiest girl because my family had always been really close. and family to me, is really the most important thing. my parents loved me, and although i never said it (i’m too proud), i loved them all dearly. i was doing well at school, and i might be blowing my own trumpet but because i’m so funny and contagious (AHAHAHA whatever), i was quite popular enough. i was the class chairman a few times, class monitor, and also captain of my school and club’s hockey team. and can i just mention that i captained the school team to win the national gold medal after a 16-year drought?? we were the less experienced underdogs who played in the finals with a team that was filled with national players. no one expected us to win, and we even lost to that same team in the preliminary rounds. but we fought hard, and trained harder than anyone we knew. and most of all, we believed in ourselves, and we believed in each other. we had utter faith. and we won 2-0.

it was my proudest moment. and it still is. we worked so hard for it. and i was so proud.

everything fell downhill after that. and it took a long, long time for me to get back on my feet again. it was a high mountain to climb. there were times when i really wanted to die, and i think if i wasn’t such a chicken, i might have already killed myself by now. but yet, part of me didn’t want to die. there were so many more things in life i wanted to experience. there were so much better things i knew i was destined for, if only i could somehow get through all the pain. maybe if i really did kill myself, i would have really been a chicken. if i had died, i would have taken the easy way out.

in a way, maybe hockey trained me and toughened me up more than i ever realized. it was a slow and painful recovery, but slowly and surely, my old self returned. i was able to laugh again, and to make people laugh again. the emotional scars in my heart from my family problems formed some serious scar tissue, but i know that we do love each other and perhaps that was all that mattered. the scars on my face, well, i still see them. but i have learnt to live with them, red and bumpy and all.

well, i figured, when i laugh i make weird faces and throw my head back anyway, so who’s gonna be able to see those scars, right?

i try to be positive about everything. about feeling good about myself. that was one of my reasons for starting freebird. for a lot of us, yours truly included, our blogs are a venue for thought and emotions. they are our voices. for me, it is also a place where i can review and reflect on things that are happening in my life.

our lives aren’t happy everyday. i mean, it’s hard to be positive all the time. don’t you agree? we all have our off days. we all have days where nothing seems to be going right. when we wanna just bitch at it and sulk and hope that someone will cheer us up. there are a lot of positivity blogs out there. blogs that scream “you can do it!!” blah blah blah. and yes, that chirpy “i beh-leeve in mah-self!” part of me is alive and kicking strongly most days. and i do believe in myself. very much. but i also want to keep freebird real.

because i live in the real world, not in some fantasy land, although i’d like to think i do. although i’ve come to terms with myself and have grown to love myself just the way i am, i can’t help but feel shitty when i wake up in the mornings and wash my face, and see those bumps again. yes, ladies and gentlemen, the acne is slowly but surely, creeping back after a 5 year hiatus.

to be 100% honest, i’m really starting to panic about it. i’m not a teenager anymore. i don’t want pimply teenage skin. it’s upsetting. it doesn’t cross my mind at all during the day, when i’m at work doing what i love. but in between all that, there are brief moments when i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and i sigh.

so what’s the purpose of this post? i’m just trying to tell my story. i’m telling it to you. and i’m telling it to me. i’m telling myself that i’ve been through this crap before and i got out of it. i’m telling myself that there might be things that i hate about myself, but there are plenty more things about myself that i love.

this is a personal project for me. something i thought i would start, after getting a idea about it after flipping through a marie claire magazine that had a section called “what i love about me“. which i thought was a great idea, but i wanted to tweak it a little. it was all things that people loved about themselves, but most were surface or aesthetic views. while that was great too, i wanted my own project to include something more. something on a deeper level.

and while i wanted to write about it, i also wanted to take a picture of myself making that statement. because by putting it down in writing, and also taking a shot of myself with that statement, i feel it gives me a much stronger visual memory about what i do love about myself.

once a week on the weekend, or whenever i am feeling shitty, i am going to write a new statement about myself that i love. and then i want to look back at all these statements and remind myself, that i don’t have to be upset. i simply don’t have to. because there are things about me that i am very proud of.

what about you? i know you must have days when you’re not feeling particularly great either. what are the things you love about yourself? would you make a statement too, and take a picture of yourself making that statement? i honestly think this is going to work. and i’m going to continue with this. maybe we can all do this together.

more for nosey parkers:
the happiness project
personal development with the positivity blog

i am from singapore. 100% singaporean. and (surprisingly?) rather proud to be so. since moving to new york less than a year ago, i’ve had 3 people tell me they’ve never heard of singapore. i bet they’ve never watched or read the news.

we’re a small country in south-east asia at the tip of peninsula malaysia. we’re so small on the map (like a world map), the word “singapore” is bigger than the size of the country when you look at one. no kidding. we’re a young country with a mix of different races, religions and cultures. my ancestors were from china, so my roots are chinese. but being a 3rd generation singaporean, i think we’re very very different from what our forefathers used to be.

what’s terrible about singapore? we’re near the equator, in summer all year round. it’s hot and getting hotter because of global warming. and because we’re so small in terms of size, sometimes it just gets a teeny-bit boring.

what’s so great about singapore? everything else. the blends of everything - food, culture, people.

and having lived overseas in japan and america, i honestly do have a new found respect for our government.

and besides, it’s still home.

click*click to view! images of the older parts of singapore captured by my lomo cameras.

for our winter holiday assignment in the fall 2007 semester, our project was to be based on our ethnicity. some people i talked to argued i was just a chinese. i told them to shut up. yes, i am chinese. but i am a singaporean. it’s different.

i went home over the winter break, so i really did enjoy going out and around, especially to look at the old shophouses, many restored and preserved as cultural treasures. i basked in it and soaked in the sights, the colors and the smells of everything.

i drew ideas from our unique blends of culture. my aim was to create a collection for modern singaporeans. you can’t really see this (because i’m not going to upload the entire project and go too much into the details of the clothing), but a lot of tiny details that go into panels, are all based on the architecture of the shophouses.

when i presented this, the only criticism i had was that it was too modern and the person who said that couldn’t “feel” my ethnicity at all. she had expected that i would draw at least one girl in a cheongsam. i have to be honest and say i couldn’t understand that comment. after all, i’ve never worn a cheongsam in my life. it’s hard to explain what being a singaporean is all about, to someone who has never lived there, or at least visited long enough to experience what the country is really like.

i think there are parts of us that are very traditional. we’re all still very “asian”, especially in terms of family values. but the rest of us are as modern as modern can get.

to me at least.

ps: are you sick of my sudden influx of design posts? heh heh. sorry, but i’m lagging in posting these and want to put them all up!!

i came across this interview of pat field for good morning america on abc news. it was so great, i had to share it. click*click to watch it!

“personal style is… that characteristic that communicates to the others who you are and what you are about. so it’s definitely a big asset. it’s a communicative tool. personal style, or style, clothing is evolved in it. but it is not the definition of it. it’s about your character, the way you carry yourself, your attitude…”

“you know, you could be for example, a theatrical type. or you could be an elegant type. or you could be a comedic type. that’s all part of your style.”

“it’s not just about the dress, or the shoes. it’s about the person.”

“that is organic. you’re not going to find it looking at others. and that comes in life, if you think about it.

i do remember growing up and discovering myself. i remember trying on all sorts of different fashions and styles, and thinking i was the hottest thing on the planet. but now when i look back at old pictures i want to burn them. (hey, not all of them, aight?? some were really pretty hawt. ahaha!!)

as i grew older, i learned more about myself and who i really was, and that definitely helped define how i dress and present myself to the world. i wish i could show you my closet (but i can’t because i need someone to organize it in a martha-stewart-organized kind of way), but if you know me, you’ll know that i have so many different outfits that i can throw together to suit how i’m feeling that day. i don’t have a definitive “look” per-say.

in the video, they talk about how pat field’s logo is her flaming red hair. and it made me think for a while about what my logo was. in fact i thought for a really long time, and then i realized i didn’t actually have one.

i panicked for a split second, and was thinking about this while walking over to union square to meet this japanese girl for dinner. she is here in new york on holiday, and she has been a reader of my japanese blog for quite some time and wanted to meet up.

then she told me something that made me realize, that not having a specific logo isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

she said that she was nervous because she didn’t know if she might recognize me, since she knew i had just changed my hair color (for maybe the 47th time). so she stared hard at every asian that was there, but she knew that none of them were me because i dressed differently. “there is something quirky about the way you wear your clothes,” she said.

i like that. i really do. i like that someone out there knows that what i wear really represents who i am. i like that my clothes tell my story.

i talked about finding a trademark, something that is signature “you”, in an article from last year, called 10 ways to finding a style that’s “you”. do you have a logo? something specific that tells people who you are?

perhaps as i get older and hopefully wiser, my style will become even more definitive than it is now, and then perhaps i really would find a logo of my own. maybe i’ll stick to one hair color. maybe i’ll wear my skull ring forever. maybe i’ll only wear polka-dots like yayoi kusama (she’s such a genius). maybe i’ll grow a mole ala cindy crawford. or that mole(!!) in austen powers. (sorry, i had to say it.)

what is your logo? or are you like me, on your way to discovering one?

our last assignment of our fall 2007 semester at the parson’s fashion department, was based on historical icons. some of my classmates chose to base their collections on twiggy, or alfred hitchcock etc. i, on the other hand, had just finished re-watching on dvd, bushi no ichibun, which translates into “one part of the warriors”.

it’s a tale about a lowly-ranked samurai who is employed as a poison taster, and loses his eye-sight after eating poorly prepared raw shellfish. this show was called “love and honor” when released in overseas film festivals, which completely leaves me dumbfolded because of how different the meaning of the title becomes. it was by acclaimed japanese director, yoji yamada, and stars in its lead role, you guessed it, kimura takuya.

inspired, i decided to base my collection on the samurais of japan. they have always intrigued me, and it is such a different and interesting culture of historic japan. even today, their spirit and mentality lives on in modern japan. (by the way, if you are interested in samurai culture, you have to watch shinsengumi. it is amazing.)

this was the final project of our fall semester and one that i am quite proud of. i did not want to take the samurai theme too literally, but rather, explored into aspects of the samurai costume, as well as japanese dress and kimonos.

click*click to zoom in!

my teacher last semester was big on basics, so i thought i’d better add in some basic pants and skirts to go with the collection. i’m pleased with the outcome of it though! i think it helped balance the overall look. my favorite pieces are the coat on the 1st girl, the chunky hand-knit on the 2nd, the skirt on the 3rd, the shirt on the 6th girl and the jacket on the last!

looking back, i think i really stepped it up with this collection. my drawing had definitely improved and it was such a relief and joy to end the semester, a very, very tiring semester, with a piece of work that i was happy with.

what do you think?

i had work today as usual at the patricia field store. i’m currently interning and usually pop by 2 days a week or so, more if they need me there. it’s great because i’ve been there perhaps over a month now, and everyone’s super nice and friendly and even the scary manager is getting nicer. i’m really enjoying myself and would seriously work everyday, even if it meant doing all sorts of boring things. except of course, i’m so fucking broke i need a proper part-time job that might give me some cash. eek.

by the way i have major plans to start an etsy shop or some online business through my website and sell custom clothing that i have designed. if anyone’s interested or if you have suggestions etc, please leave comments or email me!

so. gala texted me in the early afternoon to ask if i wanted to join her for this cabaret thing-y. it’s been a while since i went to the cabaret, and she told me that the theme was alice in wonderland, which of course was a good bait. and a little funny considering how i just uploaded pictures of my accessories collection based on the queen of hearts!

i didn’t have time all day to think of an outfit and i had absolutely no idea where we were going to be honest, so there was no way i could really plan for it. i was so tired after work i basically just threw on my favorite comme des garcons tshirt that had a heart on it, and went to meet gala!

queen of hearts headpiece by me
evil heart tee by comme des garcons
uber-cute pink dress by nadine zlotogora
black skirt by junya watanabe for comme des garcons
black tights
super fantastic ribbon wristlet bag by femme sud (the other company i’m interning with)
4-finger gloves by patricia field
red and blue heels by irregular choice

upon reaching there i realized it wasn’t really cabaret and she tricked me (j/k hee hee!) because no one was really in a costume. most people were in work clothes! hahahahahah. OH WELL. i even made this super make-shift head piece that i fiddled with in the cab!! it was just basic tulle with some feathers and a queen of hearts trump card. i actually quite like it and even though it might fall apart at any moment (hey. i sewed it in the dark in a freaking nyc yellow cab! my workmanship is usually better haha!), i think i will save it for future usage!

there was some stand-up acts, some supposedly comic, but erm, overall it was just soooo peculiar. not weird, but, i was somewhat perplexed!

turns out it was dame darcy’s birthday and some people were in little alice in wonderland outfits that were veeery cute. it was definitely an eye-opening night and a side of new york i hadn’t seen before!

i realized i haven’t uploaded my design work in a long long time!!! so you’re going to be seeing a whole flood of this, since i have a whole semester’s work that i haven’t put up!!

(my sister and i at tokyo disneyland, christmas 2006!)

when we had to do an accessories collection, my instant reaction was to look to alice in wonderland for inspiration. i’ve always loved alice in wonderland, both the book and the disney rendition. and i thought both the story and the colors would be a great inspiration for an accessories line!

when i first did my croquis, it was really funny because i had just read the “darker” version, and everything that i was sketching was full of leather, studs and was a little kinky in a sort of s&m/fetish kind of way. which i really liked!! but i decided to save those sketches for a bigger project where i could incorporate with clothes, so i re-watched disney’s version of alice, and looked back at some of my photos from disneyland. i really liked the idea of creating a line for the queen of hearts, who is such a funny and ridiculous character!!

i quite like it, if i may say so myself. i want some of the shoes definitely. i concentrated on hard accessories, which means shoes, bags and belts. (fyi: soft accessories would be hats and scarves, etc.) i also drew them in various sizes, just because of the magic stuff that alice drinks, that makes her grow big and small. just a little detail i wanted to throw in!

i was flipping though instyle magazine today and came across this quote from sheryl crow. it was so inspiring, i thought i had to share it with everyone! here’s what she said:

LOVE YOURSELF. “i used to take my body for granted, but i have a stronger sense of my own feminine power and sensuality now! [crow is a breast-cancer survivor]. the sexiest thing to me is knowing and embracing who you are. not changing yourself to look younger but honoring every stage of life and the wisdom that goes with it. the stuff that stressed me out in my 30s i feel liberated from in my 40s. with that comes a sense of joy and a youthfulness that’s real, not manufactured.”

i thought that was just so empowering and enlightening! i loved every word of what she said. it’s something that i’ve always believed in, but never really found the right words to say it. she did it perfectly! power to you, sheryl! i’m totally inspired!!

i love attending parties, as i’m sure many of you do. everyone loves to have a good time. while you can make everyday a little fun party, just like i do (after all, what’s the point of living if you aren’t enjoying every moment?), it’s great to have a real big party once in a while.

i’m not the most social of people. by that, i don’t mean that i don’t want to make new friends and connections. i mean, i’d like to think of myself as really friendly, and i have no problems smiling and making stupid jokes. but to be honest, there’s a very shy side of me that i try to hide and not show people, but this part of me unfortunately emerges everytime i meet someone for the first time. i truly admire people who can hit it off with anyone, people who can make conversation about anything under the sun, with people of all walks and ages. i think that that in itself is a true art-form, and something i hope to master in the years to come. i want to be that someone, but in the meantime i’m still really bad at making small-talk, although i try, i really do!!

sometimes, you hit it off with someone immediately, and sometimes, you don’t. to me, that’s the most nervous part of any party - socializing!!

so this is a little guide to going to parties, for all the little social butterflies in all of us… (even if our knees were shaking.

first things first
you got invited to a party. woohoo!!! first of all, assuming that you do want to attend, make sure that you rsvp. rsvp is french for répondez s’il vous plaît, which basically translates to “gimme a response asap and don’t make my life difficult.” there really is nothing worse than having guests who don’t rsvp. it’s terrible for the host not to know how many people to prepare for, so don’t be a little devil. respond the moment you decide!

your plus one (or two or three?)
before you send in your “yes, i wanna go go go!”s, check the invitation to see if it includes a ‘plus one’. if it doesn’t, check with the host if you can bring a friend or two along, then rsvp for them too. never be one of those idiots who turn up at a party with gate-crasher friends who aren’t on the guest list. it’s just rude. it will great if your other half or best friend can attend the party with you. after all, you’ll be the most comfortable with them, which will help calm any nerves! if you’re single, and if your best friend lives half-way across the world, bring along a friend whom you know will be fun to have around. someone whom you can have a good laugh with, someone to call and ask, “wait! what are you wearing!!”, someone you can have proper conversations with, just in case the party turns out to be a complete snore.

oh my god i have nothing to wear!!
although this is a line i repeat like an addict on crack before every single party or event that i attend, i usually do have something to wear. (don’t lie – so do you!) even if i really don’t have anything in my closet that is suitable, i usually know immediately what kind of outfit i want to have on. here are some points to consider:

what is the dress-code that’s written on the invitation?
most invites would include a dress-code as a guide-line for what you should wear. here’s a simple guide to what the common ones mean:

• black tie is as formal as formal gets. men should be in their tuxedos, and the ladies should be decked in evening dresses (or at least cocktail dresses, but nothing casual), or evening separates. formal is basically like black tie, but if people are younger and trendy, men could probably get away with a very nicely pressed shirt and no tie. there are also white tie events, where the boys are decked out in very formal, all-white attires. i generally take black tie to mean darker outfits, and white tie to mean white. girls should really be in evening dresses.
• semi-formal means the boys can get away with a regular suit, and a tuxedo isn’t necessary. girls could be in either evening or cocktail dresses.
• if the dress-code is smart casual, basically it’s a slightly more dressed-up version than regular casual clothes. which probably means a suit jacket thrown over jeans for the guys, (and i mean well-cut, quality denim that have no holes and isn’t worn), and for her, perhaps a dressy pants with some sexy heels.
• casual usually means “whatever”, but it still is a party and i never want to be the one in slippers. it all still depends on the venue, but if you can, try to add one dressy item to your outfit. maybe it could be some really patent flats, or great accessories!
• costume or theme parties are my absolute favorite. you can’t go wrong if you pile it on and really go over-the-top. the more the merrier!!! go crazy and have fun!!! you’ll have a ball. by the way, don’t be a party-pooper. at least attempt to go in something costume-y, even if you aren’t in the mood.

if dress codes aren’t specified, here are some things to consider when choosing your outfit

who is the host?
if the host is someone who loves to have fun, you could probably really play it up. it it’s someone like, your boss for example, erm, just don’t go too crazy!

where is the venue?
if it’s outdoors, you probably want to consider the weather. if it’s at the beach, on the sand, leave those heels at home. if it’s at a club, bring on the glitz and cute heels!

what is the party for?
if there is actually a purpose for the party, be sure to dress accordingly. consider the overall crowd and also how old they might be.

most importantly, wear something that represents you
first impressions count, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just in denial. if this is a company party and you want to impress your boss, make sure you are in something that says, “this is me. i am strong, creative, responsible, i can rule the world.” wear something smart and sharp! what you wear, especially when you’re meeting people for the first time, should really tell a story about who you are. i cannot emphasize that enough!! if you’re like me and regularly take photos of your regular outfits, you can look through them and see for yourself what suits you and what doesn’t. it isn’t really that hard to find a style that is “you”.

what to bring
well i’ve never seen guys going to parties with a bag, so if you’re a guy you probably shouldn’t either. name cards, your wallet, and other minimal necessities should all be able to fit into your pockets. girls should probably stick to a small-ish bag. i don’t believe that your bag has to match your outfit. and if you only have a simple ensemble, you can definitely make a statement with your accessories!! you can find some perfect bags for parties at femme sud. they’re amazing and will definitely help start some conversations! remember to throw in some blotters, a gloss and/or lipstick, or better yet, a product that has multiple uses! i love stila’s convertible color and the multiple by nars. and don’t forget your name cards, cell, some cash, a credit card, and some kind of identification. and perhaps a little digital camera! of course, the party invitation too. you might also consider bringing along something for the host, especially if it’s a house party or something that isn’t paid for by a company! wine or champagne are probably good choices!

navigate the crowd
like i mentioned, i’m not very great at small talk and i find it hard sometimes to talk to people who are strangers. if you’re like me, you know how painful awkward silences can be. having just a little bit of mental preparation can save you from sweating buckets!

do your homework
did you know that geishas are probably some of the most intelligent people around? well, at least i think so. many people have the wrong impression that they are just for entertaining, and some even liken them to prostitutes. however, geishas go through years and years of hard work and training before they can even become geishas. not only are they trained in things like dance, musical instruments, singing, tea ceremonies, and language, they also have wide worldly knowledge of current affairs and history. so geishas are actually really intelligent, witty people, who have the ability to converse about a wide range of topics. there is something that we can learn from that. and if the people attending the party are going to be the kind who will talk about current affairs, i do suggest at least reading the headlines of the newspapers, and forming a couple of opinions.

greet your host
when you first get to the party, find the host and greet him/her first. if you don’t know anyone, they might be able to introduce you to someone who you might click with. however, don’t glue yourselves to them. they’re busy!

warm up
if you’re alone and there’s someone else in the room who’s standing by him/herself, go up to them and introduce yourself. you can be totally honest too! if you’re alone and feeling kinda nervous, there’s no harm in admitting that. the regular small talk could be questions like how they know the host, what they do, where they’re from, etc. if you’re feeling nervous, it’s better to ask the questions and let the other person answer! that way, you can pick up topics from their answers, and give your own statement, or ask another connecting question. take it one step at a time! unless it’s a party for the office, try to stay away from boring topics like work, and taboo things like religion and politics. i don’t like to talk about work too much because it’s a party and everyone’s there to have fun. who wants to think about work!! of course, if you and the other person seems very passionate about their job, let the conversation flow. i also personally never talk about politics nor religion because those are things that start wars and you don’t want to trigger one.

first introductions
reserve your hugs and kisses for people who you already know. otherwise, if greeting someone for the first time, a firm handshake and a smile is really important. especially if you’re a guy… there’s nothing i hate more than shaking some dude’s hand and realizing i’ve got a harder grip than his limp…hand. ask for their name, and repeat it so that you’ll remember it! exchange name cards if the occasion calls for it. and don’t forget their names nor lose their cards! especially if it is someone you want to get to know better. i sometimes quickly type a note into my cell with important details like name, number, company name, etc.

when in doubt
when you can’t think of anything, you could always talk about the food, the music, or how great that cocktail is. you can compliment the other person about themselves. everyone loves a little compliment. it also provides an overall ease to your conversation. just make sure you mean it!! it could be about their outfit, their shoes, the way they did their hair, or how great their smile is. people love hearing and talking about themselves. when you get nervous, close your eyes for a split second, and take a deeeeep breathe. i guarantee it will make you feel loads better. stand up tall and drop your shoulders! you’ll be fine!

be genuine
don’t lie, because people aren’t dumb. don’t load on the compliments, or you’ll just appear really fake. be nice, and listen more than you talk! also, if you’re talking in a group, it’ll be great if you would include others, especially people who are by themselves, into your conversation!

be open
although it’ll be great to find people who have the same interests, be open to meeting different groups of people. you’ll be surprised how much you might have in common with someone younger, and how easy it might be to talk to someone who’s older. i know people who would never dream of making friends with someone twice their age, or be caught talking to some “kid”. that’s just the wrong attitude, at a party and in life.

if you need to escape
sometimes, you might get unlucky and run into a real creep. or someone who’s just insulting. don’t feel like you have to talk to someone who you don’t want to. smile, say “it was nice talking to you”, and walk away!

people-watch
if you ever get tired of mingling, there’s always the option of finding a little nook of your own and people-watch! i love people-watching. you can learn a lot about people by just watching how they behave and interact with others. and i love people-watching because that also translates into looking at what they wear!! (i am a fashion designer after all.) you can walk around slowly and look at people, or better yet, find a spot that overlooks the entire party! if you’re like me and you love taking pictures, you could even go up to people who have interesting outfits on, and ask with a smile if you can take their picture!! most people would willingly oblige. your camera could also be a good conversation starter!

try not to get drunk
nothing’s worse than some ass who is puking all over the place. make sure you know your alcohol limits and for goodness’ sakes, stop before you make a fool of yourself. if you’re no good with drinks, there’s nothing embarrassing about having a non-alcoholic drink in your hands. and you don’t have to give a hoot when someone’s pressuring you to drink when you don’t want to. learn how to say no!

what to do with your hands
most people shake hands with their right hand, so you’re holding a drink, keep it on your left hand. keep your right hand free to wave or shake hands with, and also to eat. that said, stay away from oily food or things that have drippy sauces. no one wants to shake an oily hand, and you don’t want anything dripping on your outfit. and whatever you do with your hands, don’t cross it. you’ll be known as the little anti-social sulker.

smile and have a good time!
be confident and just smile. make silly jokes and laugh about it. after all, it’s a party and you should be having fun! nothing is more attractive than someone who’s all smiles and someone who’s having a good time. dance to the music if you want to, or just sway along and bob your head if you’re all left-foot, like me! haha. i believe that music is only music when you hear it with your heart. even if the beat and rhythm that you’re hearing is different from everyone else, so what? you’ll only look silly if you think you’re looking silly. and anyone who sniggers at you when you make some funny dance move is an ass and should be ignored. let free, and let yourself move along to whatever it is you’re feeling!

leave when you should
finally, leave when it’s time to go. don’t overstay your welcome, unless you want to help clean up. find your host and thank him/her for a lovely time, say your goodbyes to everyone and head home. (or out for more drinks! heh heh.)

and remember, boys and girls, leave your car at home if you’re planning to drink. and never sit in in the car of someone who has had a drink. you don’t want to die, neither do you want to kill some innocent passer-by!! it’s irresponsible and stupid, and your mother taught you better.

more reading for the nosey parkers:
how to make a great first impression
5 awesome and 5 awful conversation topics