you know, i’ve never done things the way i “should”. the way society tells me to, the way my friends do, the way it’s expected. i act differently, dress differently, design differently…

unfortunately, because of that, i’ve met with obstacles along the way. my parents were one of my biggest obstacles, because they couldn’t understand how i could give up my childhood dream of being a vet and become a god-forbidden fashion designer-slash-seamstress. fortunately, they came around and i’m lucky enough that they are now one of my biggest supporters.

and then comes the insignificant-but-yet-always-there-to-annoy-me teachers. oh, i could go on and on about them. i’ve had teachers from 3 different countries, and the best of them are those who might not share your aesthetic and views, but they support it anyway. if they think you are weird, then they are gonna make you be the weirdest you can be. if your designs are ridiculous to them, then you better become the most ridiculous one out there. they are supportive in that way, strange as it sounds.

but then there are the teachers who just bring you down and tell you to stop what you’re doing because you’ll never succeed. teachers who take just 3 minutes to give you a critique when they spend 15 minutes on someone else, because they honestly don’t know what to say to you. teachers who suck the life out of you and leave you in despair.

worst still are institutions who think of themselves as a business and a dictatorship before they remember that they are there to educate their students. institutions who try to put you in a box and force you to be who they want you to be, instead of who you are and who you can become.

my 2 years in parsons have aged me. yes, i’m 26 years old now. but i’ve never felt my age nor thought about how old i am as compared to my fellow classmates. but when i’m in school, i feel like an angry, frustrated little old bitch. on some days, everyone’s on a short fuse. we’re agitated, tired, we look like shit, our skin is bad, our eyes are bloodshot, and we’re just irritable from not sleeping.

i’ve never been in such a bad-temper.

i can’t say i enjoy it. in fact, i absolutely hate it. it’s a mental struggle and sheer willpower to stay alive. if i’d known what a hellhole my life here would be, before i’d moved to new york, i don’t think i would have come. but alas, i’ve invested too much of my parents’ money to come here, and no matter how much i hate the school, i just have to grit my teeth and finish it for their sakes. i can’t quit, because i’m not a quitter.

but if i have to go through one more year of this shithole, i’m definitely not going to succumb to pressures, and give up my opinions just to get a better grade or to win some competition.

i see that happen all the time – people remove their own personalities from their designs just to win a competition. they adjust themselves so that the teachers will pick them for something. we have a saying in school that’s called the “parsons look”. the clean-cut, simple, ready-to-wear look that parsons is well-known for, and in my vocabulary, it means boring clothes that have no point-of-view.

people talk about this “parsons look” – “oh, you know that’s never gonna get picked because it doesn’t represent the school”, or “she won the competition because she referenced past winners and did her project the way the school likes it”.

it pisses me off.

where the fuck is your backbone? where is your personality? is this the way your parents brought you up? did they never teach you to have your own voice? did they never instill in you strength and character and integrity?

i despise people like that. d-e-s-p-i-s-e. stand up for yourself, for fuck sake.

it’s different if you are working for someone else and you need that paycheck. yes, you can’t always be the designer you want to be. you can’t always be wild and flamboyant, or avant garde or couture. but, i firmly believe that even if you were working for someone and had to adjust your aesthetics to suit the company’s looks, there are always ways in which you can inject your own personality into your designs. in fact, i think when designers of different aesthetics come together, you can work together to create the best product that blends the best of different voices.

but until then, you are your own designer, you are your own voice. if i edited myself and edited my collections so that i could have the “parsons look” that this school wants, then i could never sign my name at the bottom of those sketches, and i could never put that in my portfolio. because it just isn’t representative of who i am. and i would be ashamed of it.

yes you’re right, this post is almost like a rant. maybe it is. but this message goes out to all of you who are in the creative world – be who you are and never be embarrassed about it. do not ever let anyone shove a cookie-cutter in your face!

i just had to say this, perhaps as a reminder to myself. i’ve been really tired and lacking of sleep recently because of the sheer amount of things that we’ve had to do in school. (by the way, when i tell people that i’m tired, they scoff and make it a competition of who has more things to do. only my friends in the fashion department at parsons can understand this. we have 30 hours of class a week, for just 19 credits, and our work never ends in class. we take it home and work day and night for our craft. i’ve had arguments with people who tell me fashion is frivolous and “it’s so easy because all you do is draw”. arseholes.)

yesterday marked the due-date of a project that we had been working on all semester. as juniors, we were assigned to do a mini-thesis at the beginning of the semester. it consists of 3 looks of at least 6 garments, that we had to design, drape, pattern-make, create a sample. and then sew the final product for. sounds easy and it all fit into one sentence, but it was quite a lot of work to complete within 5 months. we have two 6-hour sewing classes a week, and of course all our own free time to finish everything.

and because the school is stupid, they never provided any details for us till just weeks ago, so we never knew how the judging process would be, how the show would be, and in fact, till this day we still don’t know how many people will actually get into the show. but anyway, a jury came into our class consisting of like, 10-15 teachers, who gave us points according to our design and how well it was sewn.

i was proud of what i did, but i was upset with myself because i did not finish my dress the way i wanted to. i’d run out of time, and in my head it just wasn’t complete. of course, i’d stayed up all night the night before to try and complete it, but at noon, i fell asleep and woke up at 2:30pm, just enough time to rush to school by 3pm. but i had lost 2 and a half precious hours that i could have finished my project with. oh well. it was too late to regret.

after the jury came and went, my teacher, who’s great by the way, came over and told me something that made me real sad. she’d loved what i did, and gave me tips along the way to achieve the look i wanted. but she said, “a few teachers thought your designs, especially the second look, was too conceptual.”

in other words, it wasn’t representative of the school’s look. i guess.

you know, i’ve gone over this a million times in my head and each time i think about it, it just frustrates me. runway shows are supposed to create an atmosphere. it’s supposed to be inspiring, like what john galliano does with his shows. he creates a look, but it doesn’t mean you’ll find it in the stores later, because he’ll also create a toned-down wearable version of the initial over-the-top design.

so i’ve accepted the fact that i’ve come to parsons to receive an education, all these thousands of kilometers away from home, only to find that although i have supportive teachers who offer advice and constructive criticisms, i also attend a school with a stupid president and a policy that students who don’t fit into the mold will basically, just not be acknowledged.

i’m not gonna lie: it’s discouraging sometimes. but i’m not gonna back down and i’m not going to be embarrassed about who i am.

i am gilda. i am a fashion designer. and i have my own voice. it’s my life, and it’s my designs. i’m gonna do it my way.

this was my collection. i still have finishing touches to do, but it was my take on a military theme, based on epaulets. a little different from how most people who do a military collection, but you might be able to see hints of it. the collection was a mix of a very sponge-y neoprene, and bamboo cotton jersey and bamboo satin. i wanted to blend organic fabrics with some plastic neoprene! it was harder than i expected to sew, but i love neoprene and will use it forever.

sadie, trying on my dress for me. if i may say so myself, i do love it. heh heh heh.

darling michael took one look at my ziggy cape and wanted to put it on immediately. yes, this is the look that was too conceptual. at least one person liked it! yay!

so well, there you have it. my little 3-look collection, christianed “ziggy” by kesiana, a friend in class. all comments and constructive criticisms welcomed!

and i leave you, fellow creative person, with this – if you are a designer, a writer, a blogger, a gardener, a painter, a daydreamer – never be afraid of who you are.

it’s your life. do it your way!

more for nosey parkers:
+ discover your passion and find a purpose
+ what i love about me

photo by prfection

“hello i need some advice. i’m writing to you because you seem to have strong opinions about things and stuff. i’m having trouble because my friends always come to me when they need help. i want to help them, but sometimes i feel like they are taking advantage of me and they want me to help them with their homework, but like, i know it’s only because they want to go out with their boyfriends instead of spending time doing their own work. help!! what should i do? like, how can i remain friends with them and still tell them that i don’t want to keep doing their work for them?”

oh dear, i need to tell you something first. and it’s not what you want to hear, but you need to know, that those girls are not your friends!! they might say that they are, but if they come to you only when they want you to do something, they are not real friends. you will be so much better off staying away from them and finding friends who are worthy of you, because you are obviously a very nice girl!!

do you have a problem saying no? especially when you have to say no to some very convincing puweeety puppy dog eyes?

a lot of people, us girls especially, have problems saying no. we don’t want to let people down, we don’t want to disappoint anyone, and we don’t want anyone to hate us. so instead of saying no to unreasonable requests, we smile and give in, only to end up feeling upset, resentful, and perhaps overwhelmed.

why do we always do this to ourselves?

i’m not talking about not trying to help people. yes, you should always lend a helping hand whenever you can. but there are times when you know deep down in your heart, that someone is asking something of you that you are not comfortable with. there are times, when you know that this person is making use of you, taking you for granted, and always asking you to do something, because they know you won’t reject them!

it’s about time to stop abusing yourself. learn to stand up for yourself and say no!!! “no, i will not do your work for you! i will not sacrifice my time and energy while you sneak off to the clubs, uh-uh! no, i will not save your ass and get mine in trouble instead!”

you’re not being a bad person for saying no
some of us feel guilty whenever we want to say no. we’ve been brought up with great family values. we want to help the poor and save the world! so instead of listening to our inner voice that’s violently rejecting the request, we say, “uhm, yeah, ok, sure i could do that,” even though we know we’re only getting ourselves in trouble and burning ourselves out.

you know how 3 year old kids reject you immediately, when they don’t want to do something? they don’t feel bad about saying it. they’re just telling you exactly what they feel.

you say, “take a shower!” they say, “no!”
you say, “do your homework!” they say, “no!”
you say, “go to sleep!” they say, “no!”

take out the brattiness from the “no”, and learn from those kids.

but whatever it is, try not to do it amy winehouse style!

stop and take a time-out
when someone asks you for something, and you feel yourself starting to nod your head, stop. and take a long deep breath. tell them you need to take a moment to think about it. “let me check my schedule”, or “let me get back to you later” usually works great.

remember your goals
what are you trying to accomplish? by helping this person, would it put you in jeopardy, either mentally, emotionally, physically or even financially? by helping this person, are you really helping them because they honestly do have way too much on their hands, or are you helping to make them even more irresponsible than they already are?

listen to your inner voice
your instincts usually tell you the truth. when you first heard about this request, what did you think? was it a nice favor and did your heart beat faster because you were excited about helping out? or were you wishing you could punch this person and hope that he/she would magically disappear? do you honestly want to help this person, or do you think you should? “should” simply means that you don’t actually want to be helping out. your instincts were given to you for a reason, and listening to it would save your sanity later.

watch your body language
body language often gives a lot away. if you’re looking away, twiddling your thumbs, feeling nervous, or sweating in your pits, it screams insecurity. take another deep breath, drop your shoulders, smile and look at them straight in the eye. be firm, and polite, and don’t be defensive nor over apologetic. this tells them that you have made up your mind that you can’t help even though you are sympathetic.

keep it simple
you don’t owe anyone a long and lengthy explanation. when saying no, keep it short and simple. by offering a long explanation, you are indirectly telling the other person that you might be persuaded into change your mind. you are not obligated to state your reasons for saying no. you have your own reasons and they might not be something you want to discuss. in fact, even if you were saying no just because you wanted to go get your hair done, hey, it’s something you wanted to do for yourself! why do you have to give that up just to help someone do their homework? if you must give a reason, keep it simple and repeat that you cannot help.

don’t lie, and remain respectful
even if the other person is being plain rude, keep your dignity intact. you don’t need to stoop to their level. be pleasant, but be firm!! and also, don’t lie to get out of it. well, at least try not to.

don’t let anyone push you around
if they plead or try to pressurize you into changing your mind, repeat that their request simply does not fit into your schedule. then change the subject, or walk away.

practise some, then practise some more!
if you’re not confident about rejecting someone, you might wanna practise doing it first. sometimes when i get very nervous about something, i say it over in my head. this way, i can pick the right words, the right tone, and make sure that i’m bringing the message across. try it! say it over and again in your head, or better yet, say it out loud in front of the mirror. pretend you’re standing in front of the person you want to reject, and practise your little speech! you don’t have to memorise anything, but just saying it a few times prior to saying it for real, will help stop you from being tongue-tied! you will also panic less and be more confident!

what if you actually do want to help
if you actually want to help out but can’t do it at the moment, offer an alternative. you can say that you can help them when you have more time on your hands next week, or you can offer to help but lessen your responsibility by doing only a portion of the task. you can even do it for something in exchange! at least it will be on your own terms. remember, they are asking you for a favor. you don’t owe it to them. in fact, they kinda owe you!

+ “i would love to help out, but i really have my hands full now. why don’t you come back to me next week? i think i might be able to help then.”
+ “i can’t help you pack and ship all those items out, but i can definitely help you by preparing the shipping labels.”
+ “i can definitely work your shift this saturday since it’s your best friend’s birthday! but would you do the same for me next time?”

need more help in saying no? here are some examples of what you can say!
+ “i don’t want to say yes and make a promise to you, when i know i might let you down.”
+ “i’m sorry but i’m going to have to pass. i don’t have the time for that now.”
+ “i’d love to, but i simply don’t have the time.”
+ “i’ve been working very hard on my own homework and i don’t have time to help you do yours.”
+ “i’m proud of my work and i spent a lot of time on it so i hope you respect that and do yours yourself.”
+ “i wish i could help, but i really can’t.”
+ “i’m not comfortable with saying yes, so i’m sorry but i’ll have to decline.”
+ “you caught me at a bad time. i don’t want to say no but i have to.”
+ “i feel like i have helped you do your job plenty of times before. please respect that i have my own job to do too.”
+ “if i say yes, my boyfriend will be so mad that i took on another job and sacrificed the only time we have left to spend together.”
+ “i’m sorry but i can’t lend you that money. i make it a rule not to lend to friends. i don’t want money to come between us.”
+ “i can’t work in your place this weekend because i have already made plans of my own.”
+ “i’m sorry but i’ve already stayed overtime at work everyday of the last two weeks. i have enough on my hands right now.”
+ “thank you for asking me on a date but you’re really not my type.”
+ “i’m sorry but i love my personal space at home and i can’t offer you my couch to sleep on for two weeks.”

remove yourself from the situation
some people are just really good at making use of others, and getting what they want. if you feel like someone’s really being pushy with you, and you might succumb to their pushiness, make up an excuse and just get yourself outta there! say “oops, i need to run to the toilet!” or… you need to fart. whatever! just leave the scene. you do not want to be stuck doing someone else’s dirty work.

personally, i have always been pretty headstrong, even as a child. and i’ve always been pretty good at saying no. i’ve said no to friends who’ve offered me cigarettes, said no to the junkies who’ve asked if i want weed, said no to people who ask if they can copy my work… it’s different when you’re all actually great friends and copy each other’s work all the time. but when you put your heart and soul into something and someone else wants to use it, or worse, copies you without even letting you know, then you really need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. at times, you need to put yourself before others.

just remember, you deserve so much more than this!!!

what about you? have you been caught in a similar situation where someone asks you for a favor but you know they’re just taking advantage of you? how did you say no?

more for nosey parkers:
dealing with difficult people

photo by regin@

the summer olympics in beijing has started! how many of you are glued to your tv? the olympics is supposed to be a time for us to forget about all this political nonsense that is going on around the world. but…. can we really?

so much has happened in the recent months building up to the summer olympics that’s held in beijing. i’ve read about a lot of people who have chosen to boycott the games and not watch it on tv. personally, i did consider that move too. but i realise that i love sports too much to be able to stay away.

photo by ~~ zorro ~~

a part of me tells myself that just boycotting the television won’t do anything to stop the stupidity of the chinese government. the other part of me argues that it helps to make a point.

what is your stance?

on a lighter note, i have to give it to the chinese. the opening ceremony was really spectacular. i didn’t watch it from the start but i’ll probably be catching a repeat when it comes on. fireworks do nothing to impress me, but the amount of practise that must have gone into all those dances!! it was rather amazing. the (not-so-funny) joke was that it might have been their only way to get proper meals every day, and hopefully they did. or that if they didn’t do what was told of them, they would be executed. whichever the case, you should definitely catch a rerun of the opening ceremony if you haven’t already.

here are some tips on how you can enjoy the games, whether you like sports or not.

are you planning on watching the games?
you’ll need
1. a television (preferably huge and flat-screen)
2. a great couch or armchair that you can sink into
3. tons of yummy snacks and drinks, or at least peanuts and beer
4. friends who either have a big tv, or who’ll be fun to watch with
5. a nearby sports bar that you can go to for the big games
6. internet access
7. sportsmanship and an open mind

decide on what you want to watch
i always try to catch different games that i’ve never watched before. you never know if it turns out to be really interesting! you might find a new favorite sport. however, don’t attempt to watch everything there is. you’ll start to lack sleep and eye-bags and blood-shot eyes have never been known to be pretty accessories. what are your favorite sports to watch? i really enjoy swimming, diving, synchronized swimming, anything gymnastics, field hockey, soccer, short distance track events and many more. what games are you planning to follow?

which team are you supporting?
besides picking which sports to follow, it might also be fun to pick either one, or several teams to support! i’m from singapore and erm, the olympic team is usually really… “sad” and sometimes comprise of imported athletes. so although i do support my country’s team, i am also ardently supporting japan. hey, i did live there for almost 4 years and i’ve watched enough of those guys on tv to want to support them! are you supporting your own country? or are you also secretly rooting for someone else?

make it a party!
gather a few friends to watch together. it’ll be even more fun if everyone would dress up in team colors. better yet: if you and your friends support opposing teams. cheering for different teams is fun! and then preferably you’ll be cheering for the winning team so you can do some friendly jeers and yeah-yeah-yeahs at your loser friends. heh heh. all in the name of fun of course. don’t start throwing punches.

adjust your sleeping clock
with the games being held in beijing this year, you might be in a completely different time zone. check the official beijing olympic site for schedules, and your local tv or cable website to make sure of the date and time. go to bed earlier and wake up in the middle of the night to watch must-see games! try to keep the noise levels down to avoid annoying the neighbours. and definitely try not to miss work! that would be terrible! or at least save the “i’m dying of food poisoning” excuse for the day of the finals.

locate that nearby sports bar
there’s nothing more fun than to watch the games with fellow sports fans. find a bar nearby that is equipped with great screens and surround sound system, and serve ice cold beers and snacks. it must be one with a nice friendly atmosphere too! you don’t want to be stuck in the middle of rowdy hooligans. if you have never been to a sports bar, try to at least go to one during the big games. it’s really fun, especially if you can find a group of fans who are cheering for the same team! wear your favorite team’s colors, jersey replicas if you have it, paint your face, parade with country flags, and chant songs!

learn about the olympics
take the chance to learn more about the olympics and its history. it is never too late to educate yourself. also learn more about the host country and that of your favorite team.

“but i hate sports and i hate the olympics and my boyfriend is ignoring me!”
are you one of those annoying girls? haha just kidding. but i can understand that there must be boys and girls out there who have absolute no interest in the games. although you must be annoyed with the olympics, don’t be a pest yourself and attempt to prevent your friend or significant other from watching the games. instead, be a nice and understanding friend/girlfriend/boyfriend! work out a pact with your significant other and make sure they know that you are trying to understand, but that you also want to have some quality time together. try to arrange a schedule around the games! your other half should also be understanding and agree to sacrifice some less important games to spend time with you instead.

take this opportunity to learn how to enjoy being by yourself!
a lot of people i know are scared to be alone. i can never understand that. although i love being with people and having a laugh with my friends, i also love spending time by myself. it isn’t the end of the world, and when you can learn to enjoy being by yourself, you’ll also learn to love yourself more. really!

did you know?
the olympic creed reads:

the most important thing in the olympic games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. the essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

isn’t that beautiful? it is definitely something we can apply to anything in life. the slogan for this year’s olympics also reads “one world, one dream“. while there might be hypocrites out there in the political world, take that slogan to heart and learn to set aside all differences, whether it is with our skin color or race or religion. start by making that change within yourself, and then make that change happen with your friends, and teach that to your children and your children’s children. i’m here living in america, the “land of dreams”, it’s 2008 and i’m still facing racist stares!!

“i’m starting with the man in the mirror. i’m asking him to change his ways. and no message could have been any clearer: if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that change.”
-man in the mirror, michael jackson

more reading for nosey parkers:
fore more amazing ideas, check out oneprettything’s olympic roundup
enjoy the olympics, and hope

i love attending parties, as i’m sure many of you do. everyone loves to have a good time. while you can make everyday a little fun party, just like i do (after all, what’s the point of living if you aren’t enjoying every moment?), it’s great to have a real big party once in a while.

i’m not the most social of people. by that, i don’t mean that i don’t want to make new friends and connections. i mean, i’d like to think of myself as really friendly, and i have no problems smiling and making stupid jokes. but to be honest, there’s a very shy side of me that i try to hide and not show people, but this part of me unfortunately emerges everytime i meet someone for the first time. i truly admire people who can hit it off with anyone, people who can make conversation about anything under the sun, with people of all walks and ages. i think that that in itself is a true art-form, and something i hope to master in the years to come. i want to be that someone, but in the meantime i’m still really bad at making small-talk, although i try, i really do!!

sometimes, you hit it off with someone immediately, and sometimes, you don’t. to me, that’s the most nervous part of any party – socializing!!

so this is a little guide to going to parties, for all the little social butterflies in all of us… (even if our knees were shaking.

first things first
you got invited to a party. woohoo!!! first of all, assuming that you do want to attend, make sure that you rsvp. rsvp is french for répondez s’il vous plaît, which basically translates to “gimme a response asap and don’t make my life difficult.” there really is nothing worse than having guests who don’t rsvp. it’s terrible for the host not to know how many people to prepare for, so don’t be a little devil. respond the moment you decide!

your plus one (or two or three?)
before you send in your “yes, i wanna go go go!”s, check the invitation to see if it includes a ‘plus one’. if it doesn’t, check with the host if you can bring a friend or two along, then rsvp for them too. never be one of those idiots who turn up at a party with gate-crasher friends who aren’t on the guest list. it’s just rude. it will great if your other half or best friend can attend the party with you. after all, you’ll be the most comfortable with them, which will help calm any nerves! if you’re single, and if your best friend lives half-way across the world, bring along a friend whom you know will be fun to have around. someone whom you can have a good laugh with, someone to call and ask, “wait! what are you wearing!!”, someone you can have proper conversations with, just in case the party turns out to be a complete snore.

oh my god i have nothing to wear!!
although this is a line i repeat like an addict on crack before every single party or event that i attend, i usually do have something to wear. (don’t lie – so do you!) even if i really don’t have anything in my closet that is suitable, i usually know immediately what kind of outfit i want to have on. here are some points to consider:

what is the dress-code that’s written on the invitation?
most invites would include a dress-code as a guide-line for what you should wear. here’s a simple guide to what the common ones mean:

• black tie is as formal as formal gets. men should be in their tuxedos, and the ladies should be decked in evening dresses (or at least cocktail dresses, but nothing casual), or evening separates. formal is basically like black tie, but if people are younger and trendy, men could probably get away with a very nicely pressed shirt and no tie. there are also white tie events, where the boys are decked out in very formal, all-white attires. i generally take black tie to mean darker outfits, and white tie to mean white. girls should really be in evening dresses.
• semi-formal means the boys can get away with a regular suit, and a tuxedo isn’t necessary. girls could be in either evening or cocktail dresses.
• if the dress-code is smart casual, basically it’s a slightly more dressed-up version than regular casual clothes. which probably means a suit jacket thrown over jeans for the guys, (and i mean well-cut, quality denim that have no holes and isn’t worn), and for her, perhaps a dressy pants with some sexy heels.
• casual usually means “whatever”, but it still is a party and i never want to be the one in slippers. it all still depends on the venue, but if you can, try to add one dressy item to your outfit. maybe it could be some really patent flats, or great accessories!
• costume or theme parties are my absolute favorite. you can’t go wrong if you pile it on and really go over-the-top. the more the merrier!!! go crazy and have fun!!! you’ll have a ball. by the way, don’t be a party-pooper. at least attempt to go in something costume-y, even if you aren’t in the mood.

if dress codes aren’t specified, here are some things to consider when choosing your outfit

who is the host?
if the host is someone who loves to have fun, you could probably really play it up. it it’s someone like, your boss for example, erm, just don’t go too crazy!

where is the venue?
if it’s outdoors, you probably want to consider the weather. if it’s at the beach, on the sand, leave those heels at home. if it’s at a club, bring on the glitz and cute heels!

what is the party for?
if there is actually a purpose for the party, be sure to dress accordingly. consider the overall crowd and also how old they might be.

most importantly, wear something that represents you
first impressions count, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just in denial. if this is a company party and you want to impress your boss, make sure you are in something that says, “this is me. i am strong, creative, responsible, i can rule the world.” wear something smart and sharp! what you wear, especially when you’re meeting people for the first time, should really tell a story about who you are. i cannot emphasize that enough!! if you’re like me and regularly take photos of your regular outfits, you can look through them and see for yourself what suits you and what doesn’t. it isn’t really that hard to find a style that is “you”.

what to bring
well i’ve never seen guys going to parties with a bag, so if you’re a guy you probably shouldn’t either. name cards, your wallet, and other minimal necessities should all be able to fit into your pockets. girls should probably stick to a small-ish bag. i don’t believe that your bag has to match your outfit. and if you only have a simple ensemble, you can definitely make a statement with your accessories!! you can find some perfect bags for parties at femme sud. they’re amazing and will definitely help start some conversations! remember to throw in some blotters, a gloss and/or lipstick, or better yet, a product that has multiple uses! i love stila‘s convertible color and the multiple by nars. and don’t forget your name cards, cell, some cash, a credit card, and some kind of identification. and perhaps a little digital camera! of course, the party invitation too. you might also consider bringing along something for the host, especially if it’s a house party or something that isn’t paid for by a company! wine or champagne are probably good choices!

navigate the crowd
like i mentioned, i’m not very great at small talk and i find it hard sometimes to talk to people who are strangers. if you’re like me, you know how painful awkward silences can be. having just a little bit of mental preparation can save you from sweating buckets!

do your homework
did you know that geishas are probably some of the most intelligent people around? well, at least i think so. many people have the wrong impression that they are just for entertaining, and some even liken them to prostitutes. however, geishas go through years and years of hard work and training before they can even become geishas. not only are they trained in things like dance, musical instruments, singing, tea ceremonies, and language, they also have wide worldly knowledge of current affairs and history. so geishas are actually really intelligent, witty people, who have the ability to converse about a wide range of topics. there is something that we can learn from that. and if the people attending the party are going to be the kind who will talk about current affairs, i do suggest at least reading the headlines of the newspapers, and forming a couple of opinions.

greet your host
when you first get to the party, find the host and greet him/her first. if you don’t know anyone, they might be able to introduce you to someone who you might click with. however, don’t glue yourselves to them. they’re busy!

warm up
if you’re alone and there’s someone else in the room who’s standing by him/herself, go up to them and introduce yourself. you can be totally honest too! if you’re alone and feeling kinda nervous, there’s no harm in admitting that. the regular small talk could be questions like how they know the host, what they do, where they’re from, etc. if you’re feeling nervous, it’s better to ask the questions and let the other person answer! that way, you can pick up topics from their answers, and give your own statement, or ask another connecting question. take it one step at a time! unless it’s a party for the office, try to stay away from boring topics like work, and taboo things like religion and politics. i don’t like to talk about work too much because it’s a party and everyone’s there to have fun. who wants to think about work!! of course, if you and the other person seems very passionate about their job, let the conversation flow. i also personally never talk about politics nor religion because those are things that start wars and you don’t want to trigger one.

first introductions
reserve your hugs and kisses for people who you already know. otherwise, if greeting someone for the first time, a firm handshake and a smile is really important. especially if you’re a guy… there’s nothing i hate more than shaking some dude’s hand and realizing i’ve got a harder grip than his limp…hand. ask for their name, and repeat it so that you’ll remember it! exchange name cards if the occasion calls for it. and don’t forget their names nor lose their cards! especially if it is someone you want to get to know better. i sometimes quickly type a note into my cell with important details like name, number, company name, etc.

when in doubt
when you can’t think of anything, you could always talk about the food, the music, or how great that cocktail is. you can compliment the other person about themselves. everyone loves a little compliment. it also provides an overall ease to your conversation. just make sure you mean it!! it could be about their outfit, their shoes, the way they did their hair, or how great their smile is. people love hearing and talking about themselves. when you get nervous, close your eyes for a split second, and take a deeeeep breathe. i guarantee it will make you feel loads better. stand up tall and drop your shoulders! you’ll be fine!

be genuine
don’t lie, because people aren’t dumb. don’t load on the compliments, or you’ll just appear really fake. be nice, and listen more than you talk! also, if you’re talking in a group, it’ll be great if you would include others, especially people who are by themselves, into your conversation!

be open
although it’ll be great to find people who have the same interests, be open to meeting different groups of people. you’ll be surprised how much you might have in common with someone younger, and how easy it might be to talk to someone who’s older. i know people who would never dream of making friends with someone twice their age, or be caught talking to some “kid”. that’s just the wrong attitude, at a party and in life.

if you need to escape
sometimes, you might get unlucky and run into a real creep. or someone who’s just insulting. don’t feel like you have to talk to someone who you don’t want to. smile, say “it was nice talking to you”, and walk away!

people-watch
if you ever get tired of mingling, there’s always the option of finding a little nook of your own and people-watch! i love people-watching. you can learn a lot about people by just watching how they behave and interact with others. and i love people-watching because that also translates into looking at what they wear!! (i am a fashion designer after all.) you can walk around slowly and look at people, or better yet, find a spot that overlooks the entire party! if you’re like me and you love taking pictures, you could even go up to people who have interesting outfits on, and ask with a smile if you can take their picture!! most people would willingly oblige. your camera could also be a good conversation starter!

try not to get drunk
nothing’s worse than some ass who is puking all over the place. make sure you know your alcohol limits and for goodness’ sakes, stop before you make a fool of yourself. if you’re no good with drinks, there’s nothing embarrassing about having a non-alcoholic drink in your hands. and you don’t have to give a hoot when someone’s pressuring you to drink when you don’t want to. learn how to say no!

what to do with your hands
most people shake hands with their right hand, so you’re holding a drink, keep it on your left hand. keep your right hand free to wave or shake hands with, and also to eat. that said, stay away from oily food or things that have drippy sauces. no one wants to shake an oily hand, and you don’t want anything dripping on your outfit. and whatever you do with your hands, don’t cross it. you’ll be known as the little anti-social sulker.

smile and have a good time!
be confident and just smile. make silly jokes and laugh about it. after all, it’s a party and you should be having fun! nothing is more attractive than someone who’s all smiles and someone who’s having a good time. dance to the music if you want to, or just sway along and bob your head if you’re all left-foot, like me! haha. i believe that music is only music when you hear it with your heart. even if the beat and rhythm that you’re hearing is different from everyone else, so what? you’ll only look silly if you think you’re looking silly. and anyone who sniggers at you when you make some funny dance move is an ass and should be ignored. let free, and let yourself move along to whatever it is you’re feeling!

leave when you should
finally, leave when it’s time to go. don’t overstay your welcome, unless you want to help clean up. find your host and thank him/her for a lovely time, say your goodbyes to everyone and head home. (or out for more drinks! heh heh.)

and remember, boys and girls, leave your car at home if you’re planning to drink. and never sit in in the car of someone who has had a drink. you don’t want to die, neither do you want to kill some innocent passer-by!! it’s irresponsible and stupid, and your mother taught you better.

more reading for the nosey parkers:
how to make a great first impression
5 awesome and 5 awful conversation topics

coming from a tropical country where the four seasons are inexistent, all i had to contend with was summer and the monsoon season where it gets only slightly cooler. my favorite holidays have always been those when we went to countries with cold weather, and after living in japan i realize i really loved the cold seasons. “the colder the better” is my mantra, and i love walking in the cold; although i forget sometimes that i am not the strongest in terms of health and fall sick often due to not dressing warm enough.

layering is something I love doing and coats are definitely a favorite part of my wardrobe. i know people who only have one great coat – and that’s it. for me, i love looking at coats and cannot get enough. the more unique it is, the better, because i also fail to understand when people have ten black coats that all look the same.

although i have my own sense of style, i still try to pay attention to what the trends are, and not only spend thousands on fashion magazines, i also scour shops and departmental stores often, and devour everything that goes down the runway.

this season, although each designer was significantly different and there were a variety of influences, i felt that most of the coats were either tight at the waist, or with lots of volume. there were many different shapes, both at the hemline and at the sleeves, like the trapeze and bell shapes. most were very tailored, and constructed. there was definitely also many coats with big tucks and even gathers at the waist to give big volume in the skirt, and the big important accessory – a belt, to cinch in and define the waist, giving it a gorgeous hourglass shape. besides the obvious wool, i saw a lot of luxurious and soft fur, metallics, patent, shiny, distressed, and matt leather, some jacquard, and a lot of shine, through satin/silk-like fabrics and sequins. there were even some plastics – pvc.

i felt that some major influences were definitely the classic trench coat, played and interpreted in different ways by the different designers. the military look was still very strong, and i felt that this trickled down into less expensive shops as well, and balenciaga’s fall 2007 look was definitely copied everywhere. many were a-line swing coats, and some had a very distinctive cocoon shape and there were big sleeves and even bigger collars and lapels. i also spotted some coats that were actually anorak coats, and also coats that were padded and quilted.

with my aesthetic and “warped” point of view, i tend to look out for more avant-garde and unique items that are somewhat different from mainstream ideas. but i’ll try to keep my insane self in check, and list some trends for you to take note of and hopefully, might help you when you go shopping for a coat! of course, not all of us can afford all those designer labels. (and if you can, i hate you. unless you buy me one too.) but trust me, if they’ve appeared on the catwalks, they’ll be manufactured for the normal woman’s buyable brands too, so you’ll definitely be able to find them if you go shopping.

of course, this is my own guide, and not necessarily the best trend guide out there, but hopefully i can be a bit of help! so here you go ladies, here are the key words for coats this year!

1. balenciaga, baby!
if there’s one word you really need to remember, it’s “balenciaga”, and that’s all you need to know. full stop. the show was a big mix of many different ethnicities, but more importantly, it highlighted a huge part of fashion i love: menswear. haha. but this collection is something that everyone can wear, and come away looking chic, smart, hip, and (maybe only to me) super sexy. and you know a collection is successful, when it is copied everywhere and anywhere!

and don’t even get me started on those lego heels. i love them more than any shoes i’ve ever owned and i need 4000 bucks to buy them!

look out for great quality wool in a solid color or perhaps something with stripes, with some trim in a contrasting shade or something super colorful.

balenciaga

1.5. military and menswear. now that’s sexy.
i just can’t get enough! (just ignore the ghostly make up!) it’s just such a strong look and i love strong looking women.

2. love the volume and love the belts
cinching in the waist creates an hourglass figure that i think is just so very lovely. experiment with belts! the fabrics don’t even have to match. many designers are using huge obi belts and i think that’s really gorgeous. or forget about a traditional belt, try a great scarf!

proenza schouler, dsquared, balenciaga, gareth pugh, vivienne westwood

3. shapes: a-line, trapeze, bell, cocoon etc
it’s all about shapes this season, and tucks and gathers that is used to create them. if you don’t wanna experiment too much, try adding shape to just your sleeves! or if you’re adventurous enough, add them to both your sleeves and hemline. ooh!

moschino, john galliano, stella mccartney, proenza schouler

4. plaid love
and i mean it when i say “love”. i have so many plaid items, it’s almost shocking. well not really. anyway, plaid is a little tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing. there’s the size of the check to consider, and also the color! i’ve seen people wearing some tartan check coats that have colors that don’t even match! let these babies inspire you.

vivienne westwood, jean paul gaultier

5. feathers and fur (but faux please!!!)
it’s all about luxury, honey. (and how much you can fake some luxury.) but yes, let’s try to be animal friendly and get faux fur and feathers please! they are just as great. i don’t wanna lie and tell you they’re just as soft… but just try. if you don’t wanna pay so much for an entire fur coat, try trims!! a fur or a feather trim around the neck or on the hem or the cuff of the sleeves, would work just as brilliantly. you might even be able to find places that just sell a fur collar or cuff, that you can attach on to a coat you already have!

undercover, dolce and gabbana, prada, michael kors

6. shine, baby, shine
some metallics and a little bling-bling (sequins, or if you can afford it, diamonds!??!) will never hurt anyone, honey. i also like a metallic plum. ooh yeah. just remember that although fit is important, it is extremely important with shiny materials cos you don’t wanna end up looking like one fat tart.

dolce and gabbana, john galliano, burberry prorsum, christian dior

7. the burberry trench
if you wanna invest in something that will never go out of style, invest in one good trench coat. find something with a very warm, double lining that you can remove in warmer weather, and attach on when you’re freezing. get something that fits well, and really, it will never ever fail.

burberry prorsum

8. half or 3-quarter big sleeves
shorter sleeves are really in right now, and i think it will still be trendy for quite a while. try them in all sorts of different shapes too!! i like 3-quarter sleeves. if it’s really cold, layer with longer sleeved items underneath, but i love it with bare hands, or with long, leather gloves. or a really super long arm warmer. and i don’t mean that you wear it all the way up to your armpits. hohoho.

proenza schouler

9. pop and neon colors
bright colors are so big right now, but i’ve always loved them. why wear dull when you can wear bright! i do have my i-just-wanna-wear-black-and-be-a-rockstar-and-stomp-all-over-with-black-eyeliner days, but i do love them colors.

preen, louis vuitton, luella, jean paul gaultier, christian dior

10. be different
in a world where the majority of the people are in black coats, things can really get a bit drab. so i wanna talk about one of my all-time favorite brands, comme des garcons. not only is rei kawakubo a genius, she is also an architect and she knows the construction of clothing so well, that she is one of the handful of designers who are able to take clothing apart, deconstruct everything, and come up with clothing that is like an art sculpture. she also has vision, and has rigorously trained some of japan’s most finest and unique young designers who have left her nest and now have successful brands of their own, like my idol, junya watanabe. most people call rei kawakubo crazy, and claim that her collections are unwearable, unthinkable, and unrealistic. those people obviously have never been to a place like tokyo, where her fans camp outside her shops when limited edition pieces are released, and go “just to have a look” every other day, in case something special crops up. crazy as she seems, she definitely has a strong following and the respect of fashion forward people with an open mind.

comme des garcons, junya watanabe

so there you have it! my little guide for what to look out for when you go shopping for a winter coat. when you have a great coat, all you need is….. a great pair of shoes, some tights or stockings, and perhaps silk knickers. hahaha!

psst: can’t get enough, you little fashion addict? hop over to style.com and die in heaven.

it’s been a while already, but i love this not-that-new-anymore haircut of mine. i can’t believe i cut it so short on a whim. my conversation with the stylist went like this:

him: “so what can i do for you today?”
me: “i wanna get my pink color re-done, and trim my hair. it’s getting too heavy and i can’t style it the way i want to.” (note: i usually cut my hair every 4 to 6 weeks, because it grows out fast and i hate it when the layers start weighing down and my hair gets limp and flat. i have VERY fine and thin hair.)
him: “ok. so do you want to just keep the style or cut it?”
me: “cut it?” (the thought hadn’t crossed my mind)
him: “cut it?”
me: “ok.”
him: “huh? did you say ok? wah you decide really fast. so how short do you wanna go? about shoulder-length? or short like a bob? or ”
me: “oh ok.”
him: “hah? which one?”
me: “short like a bob. oh, but let’s try something asymmetrical please.”

i’ve since looked in magazines and see how some models dress their hair up and i almost miss my long hair, but heck, i’m totally living this short hair now! and besides, it’s just hair. it’ll grow back one day. but for now i think i like my hair short!! i get some odd power surge from it. weird!

i can never, EVER, understand how some people can go for months without getting their hair cut or at least trimmed. i can’t! i just found out that i have a friend who only goes to the salon once a year and i was like, “WHAT?!?!?! ONCE! A! YEAR!…..??????????”

then i realise that this is the same friend who complains all the time that her hair is unmanageable!!

as you can see in my previous post, “10 ways to finding a style that’s ‘you’“, a hair cut or a hair color, really does make a huge difference in the way you look. those 4 pictures there, were taken within the last year. and no, i’m not kidding. the bottom two were of me in almost the same cut, but one color was much lighter. i quite liked it though, cos i’d draw crazy eyeliner and walk around trying to be a rockstar. hee hee. then the hair became much longer and i dyed it a dark maroon purple (the official color name was wine gelare. how cool is that!!) for a while, then streaked it again, then it’s pink and short now!!

eight bloody good reasons and signs, that you should get a new cut

1. you get mistaken for someone else
has someone ever tapped you from behind on the shoulder, and said, “hey! how’ve you bee… oh sorry, i thought you were someone else!”

is your hair style so common that just about everyone else on the street has it? take a look around you and count how many people sport similar cuts to yours!

2. your friends say “you’re still the same.”
this can mean many things. personality/mentally-wise, i think if you haven’t changed and gotten stronger than what you used to be, this can also be a slight problem. looks-wise, it can be a real compliment if you look as young as you used to, and haven’t aged a bit. but consider it bad news if you fish out a photograph from 5 years ago, to find that although you have 2 new wrinkles, you have the same haircut….worse, you’re in the same clothes too!! (you need to upgrade your style and your wardrobe, just like you upgrade your computer!)

3. you have split-ends.
there is absolutely no excuse. in fact, stop reading this and go to the salon NOW.

likewise, if the ends of your hair are all dry and nasty, cutting them all off is your best solution. no amount of serum is gonna make you goldilocks. hair ends like that are a fire hazard beyond repair and you’re better off snipping them off and starting over.

4. someone asked if you cut your hair yourself
there are people who
a. cut their own hair, and when people find out they go,”wow you look amazing! how do you do it so nice?”
b. cut their own hair, and people ask, “do you cut your own hair?”
c. don’t cut their own hair and in fact, hadn’t had anyone cut their hair for quite a while, and people ask, “do you cut your own hair?”
if you had to ask yourself, “is she talking about me?” to either b. or c., then yes, i am talking about you.

5. you spend more time on your hair than on your face
styling hair shouldn’t take you that long, unless you’re a fashion model who’s about to walk down the runway, and even then, you don’t have to style your own hair.

my regular hair styling routine goes like this:
step one: apply leave-in hair protecting lotion/creme/serum … 3 seconds?
step two: blow dry and use fingers to style hair into shape … 5 minutes tops
step three: stand a little distance from the mirror. stand too near and you can’t judge the overall balance of your hair style! using one finger, scoop a bit of wax or rubber or mud (depending on the style i want), press onto palm of other hand. rub both hands together to spread and warm up the styling product, rub into hair. make sure to only give it a light coat and not apply too much. rub into roots, scrunching here and there.
step four: take a little more styling product if necessary. always apply a little at a time, then build up! if you apply too much at one go, your hair will just look oily and heavy and stuck together, and altogether very gross. style hair keeping in mind the overall balance. when done, twist ends of hair to form little spiky things.
step five: if extra oomph is needed, use a comb and tease hair. or if the wind is howling outside, reach for some hairspray and spritz it just a little, to keep style in place. if unnecessary, step back and look in the mirror.
look left – check. look right – check.

and you’re done!! the entire process should definitely not take more than 15 minutes, and if your hair isn’t already wet, just 5 minutes should really do the trick. (of course, if you’re adding pins or tying up your hair in a certain way, it’s a different story.) any longer and it’s a hint that you really aren’t able to cope and manage your tresses anymore.

6. you’re in a ponytail 24/7
do you find yourself pulling your hair into a ponytail, or putting it into a loose bun, or pinning it in a certain way everyday? is it because you like it that way, or is it because you’re just trying to hide how dull it makes you feel? be honest now.

7. limp
a very fabulous, and very funny, and very gay hair and make-up stylist (my friend from bunka) once remarked, “limp hair, is just as bad a limp d*ck. you don’t wanna go there dahh-lin’, just snip it off.” he meant the hair of course. snip an inch or two off, or keep the length if you want but layer like mad, then watch as your hair literally springs back to life!! “unfortunately, it’s not so easy to solve the issue of a limp d*ck.”

words cannot explain how hard i laughed. it was the way he said it, the expression on his face. god i miss my friends in tokyo!!

8. when you make new friends, they think you are (add your real age + 10) years old
then they get honestly surprised when you say you are really (your real age). seriously, there cannot be a better reason than this as to why you need a new cut or a new hair style!

it’s a fact that shorter hair can make a person look younger, and take years off their real age. if you like your hair long, by all means, keep it long. but remember, long hair or short hair, please keep it in tip-top condition!!

oh, and if you’ve answered “yes” to any of the above 8 signs, take a photograph of yourself, and stare at it hard. then pick up your phone, call your stylist, and arrange to go in for a session. after all, it’s the weekend!! i’m sure you can fit in a couple of hours at the hair studio! take another photo after you get your new hair style/cut/color/revolution!! isn’t the difference just simply amazing?? send me your “before” and “after” shots if you want, and i’ll post them up here so you can show off to the world. (or rather, the 3,000 or so people who see my blog. shucks. i wonder if i should be sad.) hee hee! <3

xoxo i love all 3,000 of you,
gilda