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photo by prfection

“hello i need some advice. i’m writing to you because you seem to have strong opinions about things and stuff. i’m having trouble because my friends always come to me when they need help. i want to help them, but sometimes i feel like they are taking advantage of me and they want me to help them with their homework, but like, i know it’s only because they want to go out with their boyfriends instead of spending time doing their own work. help!! what should i do? like, how can i remain friends with them and still tell them that i don’t want to keep doing their work for them?”

oh dear, i need to tell you something first. and it’s not what you want to hear, but you need to know, that those girls are not your friends!! they might say that they are, but if they come to you only when they want you to do something, they are not real friends. you will be so much better off staying away from them and finding friends who are worthy of you, because you are obviously a very nice girl!!

do you have a problem saying no? especially when you have to say no to some very convincing puweeety puppy dog eyes?

a lot of people, us girls especially, have problems saying no. we don’t want to let people down, we don’t want to disappoint anyone, and we don’t want anyone to hate us. so instead of saying no to unreasonable requests, we smile and give in, only to end up feeling upset, resentful, and perhaps overwhelmed.

why do we always do this to ourselves?

i’m not talking about not trying to help people. yes, you should always lend a helping hand whenever you can. but there are times when you know deep down in your heart, that someone is asking something of you that you are not comfortable with. there are times, when you know that this person is making use of you, taking you for granted, and always asking you to do something, because they know you won’t reject them!

it’s about time to stop abusing yourself. learn to stand up for yourself and say no!!! “no, i will not do your work for you! i will not sacrifice my time and energy while you sneak off to the clubs, uh-uh! no, i will not save your ass and get mine in trouble instead!”

you’re not being a bad person for saying no
some of us feel guilty whenever we want to say no. we’ve been brought up with great family values. we want to help the poor and save the world! so instead of listening to our inner voice that’s violently rejecting the request, we say, “uhm, yeah, ok, sure i could do that,” even though we know we’re only getting ourselves in trouble and burning ourselves out.

you know how 3 year old kids reject you immediately, when they don’t want to do something? they don’t feel bad about saying it. they’re just telling you exactly what they feel.

you say, “take a shower!” they say, “no!”
you say, “do your homework!” they say, “no!”
you say, “go to sleep!” they say, “no!”

take out the brattiness from the “no”, and learn from those kids.

but whatever it is, try not to do it amy winehouse style!

stop and take a time-out
when someone asks you for something, and you feel yourself starting to nod your head, stop. and take a long deep breath. tell them you need to take a moment to think about it. “let me check my schedule”, or “let me get back to you later” usually works great.

remember your goals
what are you trying to accomplish? by helping this person, would it put you in jeopardy, either mentally, emotionally, physically or even financially? by helping this person, are you really helping them because they honestly do have way too much on their hands, or are you helping to make them even more irresponsible than they already are?

listen to your inner voice
your instincts usually tell you the truth. when you first heard about this request, what did you think? was it a nice favor and did your heart beat faster because you were excited about helping out? or were you wishing you could punch this person and hope that he/she would magically disappear? do you honestly want to help this person, or do you think you should? “should” simply means that you don’t actually want to be helping out. your instincts were given to you for a reason, and listening to it would save your sanity later.

watch your body language
body language often gives a lot away. if you’re looking away, twiddling your thumbs, feeling nervous, or sweating in your pits, it screams insecurity. take another deep breath, drop your shoulders, smile and look at them straight in the eye. be firm, and polite, and don’t be defensive nor over apologetic. this tells them that you have made up your mind that you can’t help even though you are sympathetic.

keep it simple
you don’t owe anyone a long and lengthy explanation. when saying no, keep it short and simple. by offering a long explanation, you are indirectly telling the other person that you might be persuaded into change your mind. you are not obligated to state your reasons for saying no. you have your own reasons and they might not be something you want to discuss. in fact, even if you were saying no just because you wanted to go get your hair done, hey, it’s something you wanted to do for yourself! why do you have to give that up just to help someone do their homework? if you must give a reason, keep it simple and repeat that you cannot help.

don’t lie, and remain respectful
even if the other person is being plain rude, keep your dignity intact. you don’t need to stoop to their level. be pleasant, but be firm!! and also, don’t lie to get out of it. well, at least try not to.

don’t let anyone push you around
if they plead or try to pressurize you into changing your mind, repeat that their request simply does not fit into your schedule. then change the subject, or walk away.

practise some, then practise some more!
if you’re not confident about rejecting someone, you might wanna practise doing it first. sometimes when i get very nervous about something, i say it over in my head. this way, i can pick the right words, the right tone, and make sure that i’m bringing the message across. try it! say it over and again in your head, or better yet, say it out loud in front of the mirror. pretend you’re standing in front of the person you want to reject, and practise your little speech! you don’t have to memorise anything, but just saying it a few times prior to saying it for real, will help stop you from being tongue-tied! you will also panic less and be more confident!

what if you actually do want to help
if you actually want to help out but can’t do it at the moment, offer an alternative. you can say that you can help them when you have more time on your hands next week, or you can offer to help but lessen your responsibility by doing only a portion of the task. you can even do it for something in exchange! at least it will be on your own terms. remember, they are asking you for a favor. you don’t owe it to them. in fact, they kinda owe you!

+ “i would love to help out, but i really have my hands full now. why don’t you come back to me next week? i think i might be able to help then.”
+ “i can’t help you pack and ship all those items out, but i can definitely help you by preparing the shipping labels.”
+ “i can definitely work your shift this saturday since it’s your best friend’s birthday! but would you do the same for me next time?”

need more help in saying no? here are some examples of what you can say!
+ “i don’t want to say yes and make a promise to you, when i know i might let you down.”
+ “i’m sorry but i’m going to have to pass. i don’t have the time for that now.”
+ “i’d love to, but i simply don’t have the time.”
+ “i’ve been working very hard on my own homework and i don’t have time to help you do yours.”
+ “i’m proud of my work and i spent a lot of time on it so i hope you respect that and do yours yourself.”
+ “i wish i could help, but i really can’t.”
+ “i’m not comfortable with saying yes, so i’m sorry but i’ll have to decline.”
+ “you caught me at a bad time. i don’t want to say no but i have to.”
+ “i feel like i have helped you do your job plenty of times before. please respect that i have my own job to do too.”
+ “if i say yes, my boyfriend will be so mad that i took on another job and sacrificed the only time we have left to spend together.”
+ “i’m sorry but i can’t lend you that money. i make it a rule not to lend to friends. i don’t want money to come between us.”
+ “i can’t work in your place this weekend because i have already made plans of my own.”
+ “i’m sorry but i’ve already stayed overtime at work everyday of the last two weeks. i have enough on my hands right now.”
+ “thank you for asking me on a date but you’re really not my type.”
+ “i’m sorry but i love my personal space at home and i can’t offer you my couch to sleep on for two weeks.”

remove yourself from the situation
some people are just really good at making use of others, and getting what they want. if you feel like someone’s really being pushy with you, and you might succumb to their pushiness, make up an excuse and just get yourself outta there! say “oops, i need to run to the toilet!” or… you need to fart. whatever! just leave the scene. you do not want to be stuck doing someone else’s dirty work.

personally, i have always been pretty headstrong, even as a child. and i’ve always been pretty good at saying no. i’ve said no to friends who’ve offered me cigarettes, said no to the junkies who’ve asked if i want weed, said no to people who ask if they can copy my work… it’s different when you’re all actually great friends and copy each other’s work all the time. but when you put your heart and soul into something and someone else wants to use it, or worse, copies you without even letting you know, then you really need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. at times, you need to put yourself before others.

just remember, you deserve so much more than this!!!

what about you? have you been caught in a similar situation where someone asks you for a favor but you know they’re just taking advantage of you? how did you say no?

more for nosey parkers:
dealing with difficult people

photo by regin@

the summer olympics in beijing has started! how many of you are glued to your tv? the olympics is supposed to be a time for us to forget about all this political nonsense that is going on around the world. but…. can we really?

so much has happened in the recent months building up to the summer olympics that’s held in beijing. i’ve read about a lot of people who have chosen to boycott the games and not watch it on tv. personally, i did consider that move too. but i realise that i love sports too much to be able to stay away.

photo by ~~ zorro ~~

a part of me tells myself that just boycotting the television won’t do anything to stop the stupidity of the chinese government. the other part of me argues that it helps to make a point.

what is your stance?

on a lighter note, i have to give it to the chinese. the opening ceremony was really spectacular. i didn’t watch it from the start but i’ll probably be catching a repeat when it comes on. fireworks do nothing to impress me, but the amount of practise that must have gone into all those dances!! it was rather amazing. the (not-so-funny) joke was that it might have been their only way to get proper meals every day, and hopefully they did. or that if they didn’t do what was told of them, they would be executed. whichever the case, you should definitely catch a rerun of the opening ceremony if you haven’t already.

here are some tips on how you can enjoy the games, whether you like sports or not.

are you planning on watching the games?
you’ll need
1. a television (preferably huge and flat-screen)
2. a great couch or armchair that you can sink into
3. tons of yummy snacks and drinks, or at least peanuts and beer
4. friends who either have a big tv, or who’ll be fun to watch with
5. a nearby sports bar that you can go to for the big games
6. internet access
7. sportsmanship and an open mind

decide on what you want to watch
i always try to catch different games that i’ve never watched before. you never know if it turns out to be really interesting! you might find a new favorite sport. however, don’t attempt to watch everything there is. you’ll start to lack sleep and eye-bags and blood-shot eyes have never been known to be pretty accessories. what are your favorite sports to watch? i really enjoy swimming, diving, synchronized swimming, anything gymnastics, field hockey, soccer, short distance track events and many more. what games are you planning to follow?

which team are you supporting?
besides picking which sports to follow, it might also be fun to pick either one, or several teams to support! i’m from singapore and erm, the olympic team is usually really… “sad” and sometimes comprise of imported athletes. so although i do support my country’s team, i am also ardently supporting japan. hey, i did live there for almost 4 years and i’ve watched enough of those guys on tv to want to support them! are you supporting your own country? or are you also secretly rooting for someone else?

make it a party!
gather a few friends to watch together. it’ll be even more fun if everyone would dress up in team colors. better yet: if you and your friends support opposing teams. cheering for different teams is fun! and then preferably you’ll be cheering for the winning team so you can do some friendly jeers and yeah-yeah-yeahs at your loser friends. heh heh. all in the name of fun of course. don’t start throwing punches.

adjust your sleeping clock
with the games being held in beijing this year, you might be in a completely different time zone. check the official beijing olympic site for schedules, and your local tv or cable website to make sure of the date and time. go to bed earlier and wake up in the middle of the night to watch must-see games! try to keep the noise levels down to avoid annoying the neighbours. and definitely try not to miss work! that would be terrible! or at least save the “i’m dying of food poisoning” excuse for the day of the finals.

locate that nearby sports bar
there’s nothing more fun than to watch the games with fellow sports fans. find a bar nearby that is equipped with great screens and surround sound system, and serve ice cold beers and snacks. it must be one with a nice friendly atmosphere too! you don’t want to be stuck in the middle of rowdy hooligans. if you have never been to a sports bar, try to at least go to one during the big games. it’s really fun, especially if you can find a group of fans who are cheering for the same team! wear your favorite team’s colors, jersey replicas if you have it, paint your face, parade with country flags, and chant songs!

learn about the olympics
take the chance to learn more about the olympics and its history. it is never too late to educate yourself. also learn more about the host country and that of your favorite team.

“but i hate sports and i hate the olympics and my boyfriend is ignoring me!”
are you one of those annoying girls? haha just kidding. but i can understand that there must be boys and girls out there who have absolute no interest in the games. although you must be annoyed with the olympics, don’t be a pest yourself and attempt to prevent your friend or significant other from watching the games. instead, be a nice and understanding friend/girlfriend/boyfriend! work out a pact with your significant other and make sure they know that you are trying to understand, but that you also want to have some quality time together. try to arrange a schedule around the games! your other half should also be understanding and agree to sacrifice some less important games to spend time with you instead.

take this opportunity to learn how to enjoy being by yourself!
a lot of people i know are scared to be alone. i can never understand that. although i love being with people and having a laugh with my friends, i also love spending time by myself. it isn’t the end of the world, and when you can learn to enjoy being by yourself, you’ll also learn to love yourself more. really!

did you know?
the olympic creed reads:

the most important thing in the olympic games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. the essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

isn’t that beautiful? it is definitely something we can apply to anything in life. the slogan for this year’s olympics also reads “one world, one dream“. while there might be hypocrites out there in the political world, take that slogan to heart and learn to set aside all differences, whether it is with our skin color or race or religion. start by making that change within yourself, and then make that change happen with your friends, and teach that to your children and your children’s children. i’m here living in america, the “land of dreams”, it’s 2008 and i’m still facing racist stares!!

“i’m starting with the man in the mirror. i’m asking him to change his ways. and no message could have been any clearer: if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that change.”
-man in the mirror, michael jackson

more reading for nosey parkers:
fore more amazing ideas, check out oneprettything’s olympic roundup
enjoy the olympics, and hope

i love attending parties, as i’m sure many of you do. everyone loves to have a good time. while you can make everyday a little fun party, just like i do (after all, what’s the point of living if you aren’t enjoying every moment?), it’s great to have a real big party once in a while.

i’m not the most social of people. by that, i don’t mean that i don’t want to make new friends and connections. i mean, i’d like to think of myself as really friendly, and i have no problems smiling and making stupid jokes. but to be honest, there’s a very shy side of me that i try to hide and not show people, but this part of me unfortunately emerges everytime i meet someone for the first time. i truly admire people who can hit it off with anyone, people who can make conversation about anything under the sun, with people of all walks and ages. i think that that in itself is a true art-form, and something i hope to master in the years to come. i want to be that someone, but in the meantime i’m still really bad at making small-talk, although i try, i really do!!

sometimes, you hit it off with someone immediately, and sometimes, you don’t. to me, that’s the most nervous part of any party - socializing!!

so this is a little guide to going to parties, for all the little social butterflies in all of us… (even if our knees were shaking.

first things first
you got invited to a party. woohoo!!! first of all, assuming that you do want to attend, make sure that you rsvp. rsvp is french for répondez s’il vous plaît, which basically translates to “gimme a response asap and don’t make my life difficult.” there really is nothing worse than having guests who don’t rsvp. it’s terrible for the host not to know how many people to prepare for, so don’t be a little devil. respond the moment you decide!

your plus one (or two or three?)
before you send in your “yes, i wanna go go go!”s, check the invitation to see if it includes a ‘plus one’. if it doesn’t, check with the host if you can bring a friend or two along, then rsvp for them too. never be one of those idiots who turn up at a party with gate-crasher friends who aren’t on the guest list. it’s just rude. it will great if your other half or best friend can attend the party with you. after all, you’ll be the most comfortable with them, which will help calm any nerves! if you’re single, and if your best friend lives half-way across the world, bring along a friend whom you know will be fun to have around. someone whom you can have a good laugh with, someone to call and ask, “wait! what are you wearing!!”, someone you can have proper conversations with, just in case the party turns out to be a complete snore.

oh my god i have nothing to wear!!
although this is a line i repeat like an addict on crack before every single party or event that i attend, i usually do have something to wear. (don’t lie – so do you!) even if i really don’t have anything in my closet that is suitable, i usually know immediately what kind of outfit i want to have on. here are some points to consider:

what is the dress-code that’s written on the invitation?
most invites would include a dress-code as a guide-line for what you should wear. here’s a simple guide to what the common ones mean:

• black tie is as formal as formal gets. men should be in their tuxedos, and the ladies should be decked in evening dresses (or at least cocktail dresses, but nothing casual), or evening separates. formal is basically like black tie, but if people are younger and trendy, men could probably get away with a very nicely pressed shirt and no tie. there are also white tie events, where the boys are decked out in very formal, all-white attires. i generally take black tie to mean darker outfits, and white tie to mean white. girls should really be in evening dresses.
• semi-formal means the boys can get away with a regular suit, and a tuxedo isn’t necessary. girls could be in either evening or cocktail dresses.
• if the dress-code is smart casual, basically it’s a slightly more dressed-up version than regular casual clothes. which probably means a suit jacket thrown over jeans for the guys, (and i mean well-cut, quality denim that have no holes and isn’t worn), and for her, perhaps a dressy pants with some sexy heels.
• casual usually means “whatever”, but it still is a party and i never want to be the one in slippers. it all still depends on the venue, but if you can, try to add one dressy item to your outfit. maybe it could be some really patent flats, or great accessories!
• costume or theme parties are my absolute favorite. you can’t go wrong if you pile it on and really go over-the-top. the more the merrier!!! go crazy and have fun!!! you’ll have a ball. by the way, don’t be a party-pooper. at least attempt to go in something costume-y, even if you aren’t in the mood.

if dress codes aren’t specified, here are some things to consider when choosing your outfit

who is the host?
if the host is someone who loves to have fun, you could probably really play it up. it it’s someone like, your boss for example, erm, just don’t go too crazy!

where is the venue?
if it’s outdoors, you probably want to consider the weather. if it’s at the beach, on the sand, leave those heels at home. if it’s at a club, bring on the glitz and cute heels!

what is the party for?
if there is actually a purpose for the party, be sure to dress accordingly. consider the overall crowd and also how old they might be.

most importantly, wear something that represents you
first impressions count, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just in denial. if this is a company party and you want to impress your boss, make sure you are in something that says, “this is me. i am strong, creative, responsible, i can rule the world.” wear something smart and sharp! what you wear, especially when you’re meeting people for the first time, should really tell a story about who you are. i cannot emphasize that enough!! if you’re like me and regularly take photos of your regular outfits, you can look through them and see for yourself what suits you and what doesn’t. it isn’t really that hard to find a style that is “you”.

what to bring
well i’ve never seen guys going to parties with a bag, so if you’re a guy you probably shouldn’t either. name cards, your wallet, and other minimal necessities should all be able to fit into your pockets. girls should probably stick to a small-ish bag. i don’t believe that your bag has to match your outfit. and if you only have a simple ensemble, you can definitely make a statement with your accessories!! you can find some perfect bags for parties at femme sud. they’re amazing and will definitely help start some conversations! remember to throw in some blotters, a gloss and/or lipstick, or better yet, a product that has multiple uses! i love stila’s convertible color and the multiple by nars. and don’t forget your name cards, cell, some cash, a credit card, and some kind of identification. and perhaps a little digital camera! of course, the party invitation too. you might also consider bringing along something for the host, especially if it’s a house party or something that isn’t paid for by a company! wine or champagne are probably good choices!

navigate the crowd
like i mentioned, i’m not very great at small talk and i find it hard sometimes to talk to people who are strangers. if you’re like me, you know how painful awkward silences can be. having just a little bit of mental preparation can save you from sweating buckets!

do your homework
did you know that geishas are probably some of the most intelligent people around? well, at least i think so. many people have the wrong impression that they are just for entertaining, and some even liken them to prostitutes. however, geishas go through years and years of hard work and training before they can even become geishas. not only are they trained in things like dance, musical instruments, singing, tea ceremonies, and language, they also have wide worldly knowledge of current affairs and history. so geishas are actually really intelligent, witty people, who have the ability to converse about a wide range of topics. there is something that we can learn from that. and if the people attending the party are going to be the kind who will talk about current affairs, i do suggest at least reading the headlines of the newspapers, and forming a couple of opinions.

greet your host
when you first get to the party, find the host and greet him/her first. if you don’t know anyone, they might be able to introduce you to someone who you might click with. however, don’t glue yourselves to them. they’re busy!

warm up
if you’re alone and there’s someone else in the room who’s standing by him/herself, go up to them and introduce yourself. you can be totally honest too! if you’re alone and feeling kinda nervous, there’s no harm in admitting that. the regular small talk could be questions like how they know the host, what they do, where they’re from, etc. if you’re feeling nervous, it’s better to ask the questions and let the other person answer! that way, you can pick up topics from their answers, and give your own statement, or ask another connecting question. take it one step at a time! unless it’s a party for the office, try to stay away from boring topics like work, and taboo things like religion and politics. i don’t like to talk about work too much because it’s a party and everyone’s there to have fun. who wants to think about work!! of course, if you and the other person seems very passionate about their job, let the conversation flow. i also personally never talk about politics nor religion because those are things that start wars and you don’t want to trigger one.

first introductions
reserve your hugs and kisses for people who you already know. otherwise, if greeting someone for the first time, a firm handshake and a smile is really important. especially if you’re a guy… there’s nothing i hate more than shaking some dude’s hand and realizing i’ve got a harder grip than his limp…hand. ask for their name, and repeat it so that you’ll remember it! exchange name cards if the occasion calls for it. and don’t forget their names nor lose their cards! especially if it is someone you want to get to know better. i sometimes quickly type a note into my cell with important details like name, number, company name, etc.

when in doubt
when you can’t think of anything, you could always talk about the food, the music, or how great that cocktail is. you can compliment the other person about themselves. everyone loves a little compliment. it also provides an overall ease to your conversation. just make sure you mean it!! it could be about their outfit, their shoes, the way they did their hair, or how great their smile is. people love hearing and talking about themselves. when you get nervous, close your eyes for a split second, and take a deeeeep breathe. i guarantee it will make you feel loads better. stand up tall and drop your shoulders! you’ll be fine!

be genuine
don’t lie, because people aren’t dumb. don’t load on the compliments, or you’ll just appear really fake. be nice, and listen more than you talk! also, if you’re talking in a group, it’ll be great if you would include others, especially people who are by themselves, into your conversation!

be open
although it’ll be great to find people who have the same interests, be open to meeting different groups of people. you’ll be surprised how much you might have in common with someone younger, and how easy it might be to talk to someone who’s older. i know people who would never dream of making friends with someone twice their age, or be caught talking to some “kid”. that’s just the wrong attitude, at a party and in life.

if you need to escape
sometimes, you might get unlucky and run into a real creep. or someone who’s just insulting. don’t feel like you have to talk to someone who you don’t want to. smile, say “it was nice talking to you”, and walk away!

people-watch
if you ever get tired of mingling, there’s always the option of finding a little nook of your own and people-watch! i love people-watching. you can learn a lot about people by just watching how they behave and interact with others. and i love people-watching because that also translates into looking at what they wear!! (i am a fashion designer after all.) you can walk around slowly and look at people, or better yet, find a spot that overlooks the entire party! if you’re like me and you love taking pictures, you could even go up to people who have interesting outfits on, and ask with a smile if you can take their picture!! most people would willingly oblige. your camera could also be a good conversation starter!

try not to get drunk
nothing’s worse than some ass who is puking all over the place. make sure you know your alcohol limits and for goodness’ sakes, stop before you make a fool of yourself. if you’re no good with drinks, there’s nothing embarrassing about having a non-alcoholic drink in your hands. and you don’t have to give a hoot when someone’s pressuring you to drink when you don’t want to. learn how to say no!

what to do with your hands
most people shake hands with their right hand, so you’re holding a drink, keep it on your left hand. keep your right hand free to wave or shake hands with, and also to eat. that said, stay away from oily food or things that have drippy sauces. no one wants to shake an oily hand, and you don’t want anything dripping on your outfit. and whatever you do with your hands, don’t cross it. you’ll be known as the little anti-social sulker.

smile and have a good time!
be confident and just smile. make silly jokes and laugh about it. after all, it’s a party and you should be having fun! nothing is more attractive than someone who’s all smiles and someone who’s having a good time. dance to the music if you want to, or just sway along and bob your head if you’re all left-foot, like me! haha. i believe that music is only music when you hear it with your heart. even if the beat and rhythm that you’re hearing is different from everyone else, so what? you’ll only look silly if you think you’re looking silly. and anyone who sniggers at you when you make some funny dance move is an ass and should be ignored. let free, and let yourself move along to whatever it is you’re feeling!

leave when you should
finally, leave when it’s time to go. don’t overstay your welcome, unless you want to help clean up. find your host and thank him/her for a lovely time, say your goodbyes to everyone and head home. (or out for more drinks! heh heh.)

and remember, boys and girls, leave your car at home if you’re planning to drink. and never sit in in the car of someone who has had a drink. you don’t want to die, neither do you want to kill some innocent passer-by!! it’s irresponsible and stupid, and your mother taught you better.

more reading for the nosey parkers:
how to make a great first impression
5 awesome and 5 awful conversation topics

coming from a tropical country where the four seasons are inexistent, all i had to contend with was summer and the monsoon season where it gets only slightly cooler. my favorite holidays have always been those when we went to countries with cold weather, and after living in japan i realize i really loved the cold seasons. “the colder the better” is my mantra, and i love walking in the cold; although i forget sometimes that i am not the strongest in terms of health and fall sick often due to not dressing warm enough.

layering is something I love doing and coats are definitely a favorite part of my wardrobe. i know people who only have one great coat - and that’s it. for me, i love looking at coats and cannot get enough. the more unique it is, the better, because i also fail to understand when people have ten black coats that all look the same.

although i have my own sense of style, i still try to pay attention to what the trends are, and not only spend thousands on fashion magazines, i also scour shops and departmental stores often, and devour everything that goes down the runway.

this season, although each designer was significantly different and there were a variety of influences, i felt that most of the coats were either tight at the waist, or with lots of volume. there were many different shapes, both at the hemline and at the sleeves, like the trapeze and bell shapes. most were very tailored, and constructed. there was definitely also many coats with big tucks and even gathers at the waist to give big volume in the skirt, and the big important accessory – a belt, to cinch in and define the waist, giving it a gorgeous hourglass shape. besides the obvious wool, i saw a lot of luxurious and soft fur, metallics, patent, shiny, distressed, and matt leather, some jacquard, and a lot of shine, through satin/silk-like fabrics and sequins. there were even some plastics – pvc.

i felt that some major influences were definitely the classic trench coat, played and interpreted in different ways by the different designers. the military look was still very strong, and i felt that this trickled down into less expensive shops as well, and balenciaga’s fall 2007 look was definitely copied everywhere. many were a-line swing coats, and some had a very distinctive cocoon shape and there were big sleeves and even bigger collars and lapels. i also spotted some coats that were actually anorak coats, and also coats that were padded and quilted.

with my aesthetic and “warped” point of view, i tend to look out for more avant-garde and unique items that are somewhat different from mainstream ideas. but i’ll try to keep my insane self in check, and list some trends for you to take note of and hopefully, might help you when you go shopping for a coat! of course, not all of us can afford all those designer labels. (and if you can, i hate you. unless you buy me one too.) but trust me, if they’ve appeared on the catwalks, they’ll be manufactured for the normal woman’s buyable brands too, so you’ll definitely be able to find them if you go shopping.

of course, this is my own guide, and not necessarily the best trend guide out there, but hopefully i can be a bit of help! so here you go ladies, here are the key words for coats this year!

1. balenciaga, baby!
if there’s one word you really need to remember, it’s “balenciaga”, and that’s all you need to know. full stop. the show was a big mix of many different ethnicities, but more importantly, it highlighted a huge part of fashion i love: menswear. haha. but this collection is something that everyone can wear, and come away looking chic, smart, hip, and (maybe only to me) super sexy. and you know a collection is successful, when it is copied everywhere and anywhere!

and don’t even get me started on those lego heels. i love them more than any shoes i’ve ever owned and i need 4000 bucks to buy them!

look out for great quality wool in a solid color or perhaps something with stripes, with some trim in a contrasting shade or something super colorful.

balenciaga

1.5. military and menswear. now that’s sexy.
i just can’t get enough! (just ignore the ghostly make up!) it’s just such a strong look and i love strong looking women.

2. love the volume and love the belts
cinching in the waist creates an hourglass figure that i think is just so very lovely. experiment with belts! the fabrics don’t even have to match. many designers are using huge obi belts and i think that’s really gorgeous. or forget about a traditional belt, try a great scarf!

proenza schouler, dsquared, balenciaga, gareth pugh, vivienne westwood

3. shapes: a-line, trapeze, bell, cocoon etc
it’s all about shapes this season, and tucks and gathers that is used to create them. if you don’t wanna experiment too much, try adding shape to just your sleeves! or if you’re adventurous enough, add them to both your sleeves and hemline. ooh!

moschino, john galliano, stella mccartney, proenza schouler

4. plaid love
and i mean it when i say “love”. i have so many plaid items, it’s almost shocking. well not really. anyway, plaid is a little tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing. there’s the size of the check to consider, and also the color! i’ve seen people wearing some tartan check coats that have colors that don’t even match! let these babies inspire you.

vivienne westwood, jean paul gaultier

5. feathers and fur (but faux please!!!)
it’s all about luxury, honey. (and how much you can fake some luxury.) but yes, let’s try to be animal friendly and get faux fur and feathers please! they are just as great. i don’t wanna lie and tell you they’re just as soft… but just try. if you don’t wanna pay so much for an entire fur coat, try trims!! a fur or a feather trim around the neck or on the hem or the cuff of the sleeves, would work just as brilliantly. you might even be able to find places that just sell a fur collar or cuff, that you can attach on to a coat you already have!

undercover, dolce and gabbana, prada, michael kors

6. shine, baby, shine
some metallics and a little bling-bling (sequins, or if you can afford it, diamonds!??!) will never hurt anyone, honey. i also like a metallic plum. ooh yeah. just remember that although fit is important, it is extremely important with shiny materials cos you don’t wanna end up looking like one fat tart.

dolce and gabbana, john galliano, burberry prorsum, christian dior

7. the burberry trench
if you wanna invest in something that will never go out of style, invest in one good trench coat. find something with a very warm, double lining that you can remove in warmer weather, and attach on when you’re freezing. get something that fits well, and really, it will never ever fail.

burberry prorsum

8. half or 3-quarter big sleeves
shorter sleeves are really in right now, and i think it will still be trendy for quite a while. try them in all sorts of different shapes too!! i like 3-quarter sleeves. if it’s really cold, layer with longer sleeved items underneath, but i love it with bare hands, or with long, leather gloves. or a really super long arm warmer. and i don’t mean that you wear it all the way up to your armpits. hohoho.

proenza schouler

9. pop and neon colors
bright colors are so big right now, but i’ve always loved them. why wear dull when you can wear bright! i do have my i-just-wanna-wear-black-and-be-a-rockstar-and-stomp-all-over-with-black-eyeliner days, but i do love them colors.

preen, louis vuitton, luella, jean paul gaultier, christian dior

10. be different
in a world where the majority of the people are in black coats, things can really get a bit drab. so i wanna talk about one of my all-time favorite brands, comme des garcons. not only is rei kawakubo a genius, she is also an architect and she knows the construction of clothing so well, that she is one of the handful of designers who are able to take clothing apart, deconstruct everything, and come up with clothing that is like an art sculpture. she also has vision, and has rigorously trained some of japan’s most finest and unique young designers who have left her nest and now have successful brands of their own, like my idol, junya watanabe. most people call rei kawakubo crazy, and claim that her collections are unwearable, unthinkable, and unrealistic. those people obviously have never been to a place like tokyo, where her fans camp outside her shops when limited edition pieces are released, and go “just to have a look” every other day, in case something special crops up. crazy as she seems, she definitely has a strong following and the respect of fashion forward people with an open mind.

comme des garcons, junya watanabe

so there you have it! my little guide for what to look out for when you go shopping for a winter coat. when you have a great coat, all you need is….. a great pair of shoes, some tights or stockings, and perhaps silk knickers. hahaha!

psst: can’t get enough, you little fashion addict? hop over to style.com and die in heaven.

it’s been a while already, but i love this not-that-new-anymore haircut of mine. i can’t believe i cut it so short on a whim. my conversation with the stylist went like this:

him: “so what can i do for you today?”
me: “i wanna get my pink color re-done, and trim my hair. it’s getting too heavy and i can’t style it the way i want to.” (note: i usually cut my hair every 4 to 6 weeks, because it grows out fast and i hate it when the layers start weighing down and my hair gets limp and flat. i have VERY fine and thin hair.)
him: “ok. so do you want to just keep the style or cut it?”
me: “cut it?” (the thought hadn’t crossed my mind)
him: “cut it?”
me: “ok.”
him: “huh? did you say ok? wah you decide really fast. so how short do you wanna go? about shoulder-length? or short like a bob? or ”
me: “oh ok.”
him: “hah? which one?”
me: “short like a bob. oh, but let’s try something asymmetrical please.”

i’ve since looked in magazines and see how some models dress their hair up and i almost miss my long hair, but heck, i’m totally living this short hair now! and besides, it’s just hair. it’ll grow back one day. but for now i think i like my hair short!! i get some odd power surge from it. weird!

i can never, EVER, understand how some people can go for months without getting their hair cut or at least trimmed. i can’t! i just found out that i have a friend who only goes to the salon once a year and i was like, “WHAT?!?!?! ONCE! A! YEAR!…..??????????”

then i realise that this is the same friend who complains all the time that her hair is unmanageable!!

as you can see in my previous post, “10 ways to finding a style that’s ‘you’“, a hair cut or a hair color, really does make a huge difference in the way you look. those 4 pictures there, were taken within the last year. and no, i’m not kidding. the bottom two were of me in almost the same cut, but one color was much lighter. i quite liked it though, cos i’d draw crazy eyeliner and walk around trying to be a rockstar. hee hee. then the hair became much longer and i dyed it a dark maroon purple (the official color name was wine gelare. how cool is that!!) for a while, then streaked it again, then it’s pink and short now!!

eight bloody good reasons and signs, that you should get a new cut

1. you get mistaken for someone else
has someone ever tapped you from behind on the shoulder, and said, “hey! how’ve you bee… oh sorry, i thought you were someone else!”

is your hair style so common that just about everyone else on the street has it? take a look around you and count how many people sport similar cuts to yours!

2. your friends say “you’re still the same.”
this can mean many things. personality/mentally-wise, i think if you haven’t changed and gotten stronger than what you used to be, this can also be a slight problem. looks-wise, it can be a real compliment if you look as young as you used to, and haven’t aged a bit. but consider it bad news if you fish out a photograph from 5 years ago, to find that although you have 2 new wrinkles, you have the same haircut….worse, you’re in the same clothes too!! (you need to upgrade your style and your wardrobe, just like you upgrade your computer!)

3. you have split-ends.
there is absolutely no excuse. in fact, stop reading this and go to the salon NOW.

likewise, if the ends of your hair are all dry and nasty, cutting them all off is your best solution. no amount of serum is gonna make you goldilocks. hair ends like that are a fire hazard beyond repair and you’re better off snipping them off and starting over.

4. someone asked if you cut your hair yourself
there are people who
a. cut their own hair, and when people find out they go,”wow you look amazing! how do you do it so nice?”
b. cut their own hair, and people ask, “do you cut your own hair?”
c. don’t cut their own hair and in fact, hadn’t had anyone cut their hair for quite a while, and people ask, “do you cut your own hair?”
if you had to ask yourself, “is she talking about me?” to either b. or c., then yes, i am talking about you.

5. you spend more time on your hair than on your face
styling hair shouldn’t take you that long, unless you’re a fashion model who’s about to walk down the runway, and even then, you don’t have to style your own hair.

my regular hair styling routine goes like this:
step one: apply leave-in hair protecting lotion/creme/serum … 3 seconds?
step two: blow dry and use fingers to style hair into shape … 5 minutes tops
step three: stand a little distance from the mirror. stand too near and you can’t judge the overall balance of your hair style! using one finger, scoop a bit of wax or rubber or mud (depending on the style i want), press onto palm of other hand. rub both hands together to spread and warm up the styling product, rub into hair. make sure to only give it a light coat and not apply too much. rub into roots, scrunching here and there.
step four: take a little more styling product if necessary. always apply a little at a time, then build up! if you apply too much at one go, your hair will just look oily and heavy and stuck together, and altogether very gross. style hair keeping in mind the overall balance. when done, twist ends of hair to form little spiky things.
step five: if extra oomph is needed, use a comb and tease hair. or if the wind is howling outside, reach for some hairspray and spritz it just a little, to keep style in place. if unnecessary, step back and look in the mirror.
look left - check. look right - check.

and you’re done!! the entire process should definitely not take more than 15 minutes, and if your hair isn’t already wet, just 5 minutes should really do the trick. (of course, if you’re adding pins or tying up your hair in a certain way, it’s a different story.) any longer and it’s a hint that you really aren’t able to cope and manage your tresses anymore.

6. you’re in a ponytail 24/7
do you find yourself pulling your hair into a ponytail, or putting it into a loose bun, or pinning it in a certain way everyday? is it because you like it that way, or is it because you’re just trying to hide how dull it makes you feel? be honest now.

7. limp
a very fabulous, and very funny, and very gay hair and make-up stylist (my friend from bunka) once remarked, “limp hair, is just as bad a limp d*ck. you don’t wanna go there dahh-lin’, just snip it off.” he meant the hair of course. snip an inch or two off, or keep the length if you want but layer like mad, then watch as your hair literally springs back to life!! “unfortunately, it’s not so easy to solve the issue of a limp d*ck.”

words cannot explain how hard i laughed. it was the way he said it, the expression on his face. god i miss my friends in tokyo!!

8. when you make new friends, they think you are (add your real age + 10) years old
then they get honestly surprised when you say you are really (your real age). seriously, there cannot be a better reason than this as to why you need a new cut or a new hair style!

it’s a fact that shorter hair can make a person look younger, and take years off their real age. if you like your hair long, by all means, keep it long. but remember, long hair or short hair, please keep it in tip-top condition!!

oh, and if you’ve answered “yes” to any of the above 8 signs, take a photograph of yourself, and stare at it hard. then pick up your phone, call your stylist, and arrange to go in for a session. after all, it’s the weekend!! i’m sure you can fit in a couple of hours at the hair studio! take another photo after you get your new hair style/cut/color/revolution!! isn’t the difference just simply amazing?? send me your “before” and “after” shots if you want, and i’ll post them up here so you can show off to the world. (or rather, the 3,000 or so people who see my blog. shucks. i wonder if i should be sad.) hee hee! <3

xoxo i love all 3,000 of you,
gilda

in a world such as ours, where outward appearances count, can we really afford to be living like slobs, hoping that people will see through all that, and look straight through to our inner beauty? as much as we wish that people will stop being so materialistic, the fact is, that appearances do matter, whether we like it or not. how we portray ourselves is important, much more important than some of us would like to admit.

first impressions are crucial. just ask yourself this:
have you ever looked at a person, made a face, and said, “oh god, what in the world was he/she thinking when he/she left the house this morning? yuck! ” and have you ever caught a glimpse of someone’s disgusting yellow-almost-brown teeth, got a shock, and could not concentrate for the rest of the conversation, because all you could think of was the person’s teeth?

i know i have. i’m sure we all have. after all, we’re human. and we judge. that’s what humans do. judge.

i’m not saying that you can’t dress down on days when you’re too lazy, or if you’re just going out to grab a coffee. but then you might also run into the hottest man alive when all you’ve got on is ugly underwear and sweatpants and unruly eyebrows and even worse hair. and then what?

“inner beauty may be more important, but exterior beauty has immediate impact.” - daniel goh, editor of style magazine

my advice to you, just like how i spent an hour lecturing my friend the other day when i met her with dirt under her nails, is to find your own personal style, and to groom yourself well. it only takes a small little detail to turn someone off.

i believe that you can never overdress. i believe in finding what works for you and working it to the limit. i believe in having your own style, a look that is uniquely you. i believe in living life to the fullest. i believe in living according to your heart, whether you are angry, sad, or happy. i believe in love. i believe in accessories. i believe that confidence is the ultimate accessory.

“style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.” - gore vidal

(of course, if you’re intent on being a dirt-under-fingernails, sloppy kind of person, then be the best dirt-under-fingernails kinda person you can be!! even if that sounds super gross.)

you might be wondering why i say ‘have your own style’ instead of something like, ‘be fashionable’? because, honey, fads fade and trends come and go, but your style, something unique to you and only you, remains in people’s memories forever. i’m all for buying a new, trendy belt or pair of shoes, but honestly, i get them cheap and never pay much for those, unless they are something that i feel really suits my style. after all, why spend thousands on something, when it’ll only be oh-so-last-season in less than 6 months? as you pay for it in hard-earned cash, as you whip out your card and sign your name, designers all over the world have already come up with something new in their atelier.

need more convincing?
here are some quotes that i’ve gathered over the years, and have pasted into my scrapbooks. i think they speak louder than i ever could.

“fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” - oscar wilde
“’style’ is an expression of individualism mixed with charisma.” - john fairchild
“the difference between style and fashion is quality.” - giorgio armani
“fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.“ - quentin crisp
“fashion is made to become unfashionable.” - coco chanel
“create your own visual style. let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.” - orson welles
“style is the perfection of a point of view.” - richard eberhart
“style is the dress of thoughts“ - lord chesterfield
“fashions fade, style is eternal.“ - yves saint laurent

that friend of mine wasn’t convinced. she refused to be. she told me that she wasn’t interested in fashion, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with her. she works in a bank, wears shirts and suits all day, but cannot imagine spending more than 10 minutes getting ready each morning!!! i was flabbergasted!

so i searched through my quote book for it and emailed her these:

“people think that fashion is all frivolity and done by people who can’t do proper jobs,” says writer, adrian gill, “but issie (the amazing isabella blow) understood that it is very, very serious business in terms of civilization and culture. it’s the one piece of culture that every single person in the world participates in. not everybody reads poetry or listens to music, but every single person in the world gets up in the morning and puts on something, and whether you like it or not, that’s a statement about who you are.”

“fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. fash
ion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.” - coco chanel

i totally agree!! so unless you’re like goldie hawn and russell crowe (who apparently parade around their house naked), i suggest you start looking into what sort of image you’re portraying through your dressing.

you don’t need to wear something spectacular everyday. you don’t need to be decked out in the most expensive brands. but you do need a look that is you and uniquely you, because our style is something that reflects us, and that, darling, never goes out of style.

how?

1. personal grooming is basic
clothes are one thing, but before you put them on, you’ve gotta remember that personal cleanliness, hair, and teeth, are probably the most basic things that say a lot about you!! this is a very important issue that i feel cannot be emphasized enough. do something about your teeth if they are stained and yellow. if you have body odour, proper baths and a good deodorant might be all you need. and please, don’t pile on the perfume too much! no one wants to smell you before they even see you! spend time each day grooming yourself. animals probably spend the bulk of their day doing so, so a little time a day isn’t gonna kill you.

personal grooming is also about having some manners and class . always say your “thank you”s. learn how to say “sorry”. show respect to others. live by example. do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

2. get to know your body
take your time, and get to know your body and its shape. learn what clothing silhouettes, shapes and patterns look good with it. make a list of what you like about your body, and what you don’t. then look for fabrics and cuts that will hide what you hate, and emphasize what you love. no one’s perfect, and even celebrities hate many things about themselves. why else do you think plastic surgeons are so bloody rich? however, with more knowledge and through experimenting, you’ll soon learn what looks good on you.

3. keep a scrapbook
i have like 8 of these books, compiled over the years, filled with pictures and magazine cut-outs. i tear and stick pictures of men, women, and even children. it doesn’t matter whether i like their particular sense of style, or whether i think that it will look good on me. what matters is that it looks good on them, and that they look comfortable in their clothes. i feel that somehow, their clothes almost tell a story about them. so i cut them out, and compile them in books that i can refer to. i especially love it when someone comes up with a new way of wearing something; a piece of clothing paired with another, or an accessory, that i’ve never thought of using before. i also cut out pieces of clothing items that i love.

of course, to do this, you’d need some good magazines. vogue is always good. so’s elle, although i dislike many american magazines because there’s more ads than content. i also love mostly japanese fashion. my favorite is this magazine called soen. it is japan’s first fashion magazine, and was started by my former school, bunka. all hail bunka!! woohoo!! soen’s the best. it’s different from the runway stuff that you see in vogue. it has the best of japanese designers and it’s all about being unique. i subscribe to it and read it like an addict. other japanese magazines i love are fudge, zipper and cutie. i also buy kera sometimes, although it’s more of a goth, lolita magazine, because a friend of mine is their model and boy does she have style. i also adore magazines like street, fruits and tune. all 3 showcases the best of tokyo’s, and sometimes the world’s, most gorgeous street fashion.

4. keep a style bible… or at least a “pictures” folder on your computer
other than scrapbooks, keep photos of yourself. i take photos of myself and my friends really often. i carry a camera everywhere! i do recommend taking lots and lots. it’s always good! not only can you keep them for memories’ sakes, and look back on them 10, 20 years from now and smile at the good times you’ve had, keeping a photo diary also helps you look back on previous clothing coordination. looking back on what you’ve worn, you’ll learn a lot about what you look great in, and what you look not-so-brilliant in. you’ll be able to tell that that shirt goes with that skirt, or that top should never be worn with that pants again. photos also tell you how you REALLY look to others, which is kinda different from what a mirror reflects back at you. also, do you go crazy like me sometimes, when you’ve taken at least 10 outfits out from your closet, your room’s a total mess, and you’re running late but you’re screaming, “i have nothing to wear!“? having a style bible means that you could flip back and refer to it on those mornings when you absolutely CANNOT think of what to put on.

i also take photos of my friends and with my friends. like i said, you can look back and smile on them later. it’s a great nostalgic feeling and photos help bring back memories when your brain fails you. sometimes when i see my friends in really great clothes, i get them to model for me so i can take their photos too. likewise, when i see people with great style on the street, i sometimes go up to them and ask if i can take their picture. i keep all this in my style bible, just in case i want to refer to it one day. looking at people with so much style is very inspirational!!

one other thing i do is, i get a photo taken in one of those photo booths, everytime i get a new haircut/color, and every birthday. i’ve been doing it forever.

it’s just a boring, smile-at-the-camera kind of photo, but it helps me keep track and document all my previous hair styles. i cut my hair every month, and change my hairstyle and color every other month. some hair styles made me look super fat, some made me look like a rock star, and some made me feel good about myself, so doing that helps me to look back and learn about myself. i also flip through it for ideas, whenever i want to change my hair style. that’s why you’ll never hear me go, “i hate my hair!”

ok i DO say it sometimes, but it’s only when my cut has grown out (my hair grows really fast) or my color has faded and i’m dying to get it fixed.

5. if you’re uncomfortable in your clothes, trash it
there’s nothing more i hate than seeing someone all dressed-up, someone who should be looking like the center of attention, but keeps wiggling and even scratching at themselves all day, just because what they forced themselves to put on doesn’t fit, or itches or whatever. they only look stupid!! i once met a girl who wouldn’t sit down to have tea, because her dress was too tight and it might split. i thought that was the dumbest shit i’d ever heard.

gilda radner once said “i base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.” if you don’t feel good in what you’re wearing, people will be able to see that, and they will be able to see that what you’re wearing, just isn’t “you”.

6. find a trademark, something signature you
all of us are different, and what you might dislike about yourself, could be what makes you memorable. think cindy crawford’s mole. many people i know hate their moles, but look how far she’s come with it!! and what about jennifer lopez? i think she definitely works that ass. (and mine’s probably just as huge. hah!) whether you like their “assets” or not, they are good examples of how it makes them memorable. it can also be a particular accessory, like a person who is never without his sunglasses. there is this great tv personality in japan called tamori-san, and he is never, ever, without his shades. when people in japan think tamori, they think sunglasses! having a trademark helps people remember you.

an unusual choice in clothing can also be your signature style. like this amazing cartoon artist from japan called kazuo umezu, who only wears red and white stripes. everything in his house is red and white stripes. or this friend of mine, seri, who wears polka-dots everyday. a unique trademark that you like, can become your signature style.

7. remember: colors, textures and layering
experiment with colors, textures and layering. for example, if you’re like me and you like black (i wear all black on some days), use those 3 rules to help make your outfit more interesting. adding a focal point with colors can really do something for you. like a bright red corsage on an otherwise boring black suit. or a chunky, interesting necklace on a little black dress. or a pink ribbon functioning as a belt, wrapped around a long black t-shirt. or even a really funky pin in your hair. if you’d rather just stick to black and only black, try different textures to add depth, like black satin with something tweed. or simplest yet, dress up with some super shiny enamel pumps. layering can also be very exciting. layering is a skill that comes with practice! i have a friend in japan who’s so bloody good at it, she can wear like 5 layers even in summer. i aspire to be like her one day; after all, she’s the only one i know who can mix checks with stripes with polka-dots and still look amazing. i also love layering black with greys, or greys with whites, or whites, beiges and browns.

exploring colors also means that you should really try colors other than what you are ALWAYS in. i know people who wear black and refuse to wear anything else, because they say it makes them look fat. to people like that, i’d say “throw out all previous rule books you might have secretly written in your head.” if you feel you’re not the type to go with loud colors, then at least try out browns, greys, blues and whites. you don’t have to wear something psychedelic all of a sudden - after all, sudden changes will only make friends and family think you’ve gone mad. make small changes at a time (try the “focal point with color’ trick!), until you’ve gotten used to it, and experiment again from there!

8. don’t be afraid to experiment!! but more importantly, remain true to yourself.
try to experiment with different looks, while staying true to yourself. while you shouldn’t pretend to be what you’re not, including aspects of different styles can really broaden your everyday wardrobe. my look is more grunge and punk, but i’d try anything and everything. however, i usually add something to the outfit that is still very “me”, so that i don’t lose my personality out there. like i’d wear something rather ethnic and traditional, but add a leather, studded belt to the outfit. or i’d be all dressed up in a lady-like dress, but add some edge to it with a black crystal-encrusted skull ring. you don’t have to spend big bucks on a look that you aren’t sure off yet. just try going to a thrift shop for cheaper options, or better yet, borrow from your friends. i have some friends who have rather different tastes compared to mine, so i sometimes borrow outfits from them just to explore other options. for example, i’m sure you’ve always been told to stay away from white because it apparently makes you look bigger, but one day, i decided to borrow an outfit from a friend who is always decked out, top to toe, in white, and always looks amazing. i surprised myself when i put it on and decided from that day onwards, to buy more white clothes!

don’t be afraid of making mistakes, everyone makes them and you can burn all photos and other evidences later! making mistakes will help you to learn more about yourself, and in time, this will also help you create your own unique style!

however, while trying out different looks is a good thing, remember this: never, ever, sacrifice who you are for the sake of fashion!! there’s no bigger turn-off than someone who’s decked out in branded clothes and screaming logos, just because they want the world to know they can afford it, and nothing more pitiful than a person who must buy that new dior bag, just because all her friends have already gotten it.

9. smile and be confident
a great smile and self-confidence, are two accessories you can count on to go with any outfit. they never go out of style. the world’s most expensive label would look like crap on you, if you slouch your back, look down at your feet and won’t look at someone in the eye. on the other hand, i know people who wear the cheapest clothes and look like a million bucks. be confident about yourself. i believe that unless you love yourself, it’ll be hard for anyone to really love you. (because even though you have people loving you, when you hate yourself, you don’t see that.)

you only look stupid if you feel stupid, so stand tall, push your shoulders back, and smile. feeling good about who you are is what’s most important.

take it from coco chanel. the lady said “i don’t do fashion. i am fashion.”

wow.

10. above all, have fun!!
because what’s the point of living, if you aren’t having a good time?

psst!!! for pictures of gorgeous people, check out wardrobe remix.

update: excuse me? a day after i posted this article, i found this on the daily mail. according to them, beautiful people earn more than their ugly workmates. after reading this, i feel that if you work hard at your job and also at how you look, i think it’s a win-win situation all around!

how do you explore a city as wonderful as tokyo!?! tokyo is like new york. it’s a city that never sleeps, and no matter where you are and what kind of budget you’re on, there’s always something to do.

how to use this guide
this is a rough guide put together by yours truly, because i love japan. i’ve traveled all over it (almost) and i’m always glad to help someone out, in hope that they’ll love it too. when i didn’t understand japanese and first traveled japan, i was there for almost a month and i loved it. before i started staying in tokyo (i was there just short of 4 years), my sister and i had been on holidays to japan 7 times, usually for more than 2 weeks each time, so you can imagine how much i’ve traveled. some people say they hate traveling in japan without a tour guide, because they can’t speak japanese and yada yada, i think that’s all nonsense.

i hate tours. especially because you never have enough time to explore little back lanes. some people think the metro (train) system is a mess, but it isn’t. if you do some homework before you set off and find out how to get there, it’s a breeze. if you’re only going to tokyo, it has english maps too, so it shouldn’t be a problem. one guide i used when i first went to japan was lonely planet. it was a godsend and i think it has a great japan guide. there is another guide just for tokyo itself, but if you intend to travel out of tokyo, my advise is to get the japan guide. do your homework!!! if you can’t speak japanese, just finding out how to get to places before you set off, will help save you a lot of stress and will ensure you have a pleasant holiday.

this guide will be separated by area, and is filled with places i love. i like taking my time and really looking at things, instead of rushing through and just scraping the surface. i prefer really exploring a place, even if it means going to less places. if you’d rather go to more places, join 2 or 3 areas together. also, mix them up to suit the weather and your own schedule! pick out the places you wanna go to and plan your trip! as always, you can email me with any questions you might have! i’d be happy to answer any that you might have.

the weather
first of all, it’s the middle of summer there at the moment, and summers in japan are no fun. it can get pretty hot AND humid. very very humid, so make sure you bring proper attire. and perhaps a small towelette or hanky to wipe perspiration. tissues do not work in summers. they disintegrate on your face if you happen to be really sweating.

it seems, that people like my sister just do not perspire, no matter how hot it is. i, on the other hand, sweat like a pig. i usually carry a small portable fan around. sometimes, as a form of advertisements, there are people giving away uchiwas on the streets. they are plastic and light, so if you see those babies, grab them!! trust me on this! you’ll need it!

with summer also comes the rain. the rainy season is called tsuyu, which literally means ‘plum rain’, because it coincides with the plum season. there are also occasional typhoons which kills all umbrellas and you’re better off staying indoors. nevertheless, it’s also sale season. it’s my favorite four-letter word and the sales are goooooood.

if you head there in winter, which is around december to february, you’ll meet some nice cold weather. tokyo isn’t that cold (to me), and certainly isn’t as cold as new york, but temperatures do usually dip down to about 0 to 5 degree celcius. although rare, it snows sometimes, but because it’s a city with too many people, it usually turns to slosh and is pretty disgusting.

my favorite seasons are spring and autumn, when the weather is perfect and everywhere is beautiful. in spring and autumn, it really pays to leave the city for a while and explore the countryside which is to