freebird - queengilda.com

those of you who stalk me on twitter (and you know i stalk you too! haha.) would know that i was recently in boston. after almost a year of living in new york, i’ve only ever been to long island, fairfield in connecticut and erm, i think that’s about it. alex, one of my best friends, live in boston. i’ve known him since i was 8, maybe 9, perhaps 10. whatever. but somehow we’ve remained friends through all these years and we know a lot of silly, embarrassing, and completely retarded things about each other.

i think it’s almost like a brother and sister thing, and we are comfortable enough with each other to be really ugly in front of each other. hahahaha. you know what i mean? we don’t have to talk if we don’t feel like talking, we’re like walking around in our pajamas, sleeping with our mouths open, snoring, etc etc. horror. hopefully we’ll stop short of farting. heh heh.

alex has been in boston for close to 5 years now. he moved away from singapore just after i did, so we’ve always been far apart - me in tokyo, him in boston. moving to new york, i thought we’d get to see each other a lot more, but it’s still a 5 hour bus ride, which equates to 5 hours of ass-aches, so it’s not that easy to meet up. he’s come to new york twice, and i had promised him that before summer was over, that i’ll go over to visit him.

it was all a little whirlwind, but i’m so glad i just packed my bag up and went. it was a good break - some time away from this busy, crazy city!! it was relaxing, quiet, and… relaxing. really what i needed!

but! a couple of days before i was supposed to go, my roommate told me about a poor 18-year old boy who got slit in his throat, then stabbed repeatedly before getting decapitated on a greyhound bus in canada. i was shocked. this world is full of sick people. i was like, “you’re kidding. that must be a story from so long ago.” then my roommate told me that it happened just last week. and he giggled and said to be careful. oh my god i was so mad. my heart goes out to that boy and his family. i wish i knew his name and it wouldn’t take a second to google and find out his name, but i can’t because i know i’ll get sick in my stomach reading about what happened. but the more disturbed i got, the more my roommate giggled. isn’t that so mean? he always researches and finds out every single detail of people dying or getting killed. and he’d see whatever photos or videos that were available too. i just don’t get it. on the 5 hour trip to boston on a stupid greyhound bus, i seriously stayed awake the whole time.

anyway. boston has so many beautiful buildings. i love them and took so many pictures. in fact, i think of all the pictures i took in boston, 90% were of the buildings. they were gorgeous. looking at them made me realise that my dream was to really own a gorgeous redbrick townhouse. i’d have my shop on the ground floor, a cafe/bar/restaurant on the second floor, my atelier on the 3rd, live on the 4th, and have the perfect roof garden on the 5th. perfect, perfect, perfect!!!

i had arrived in boston late on sunday, aug 10th. unfortunately, the weather was pretty crappy on monday and it rained on and off the entire day. by mid afternoon, we were feeling really cold, and by dinner, our eyes were teary and we were sneezing our heads off. it was terrible. alex and i both decided that if we were still feeling very shitty the next day that we’d spend the day in front of the tv drinking hot tea. but we decided to get out of the house and walk around. it was a bright and sunny day, but we were both still kinda sick so there wasn’t much conversation! the last day had such amazing weather, and i was a little sad to go and leave alex. it’s funny because i don’t think either of us have changed that much since we were kids.

but enough of me getting all sentimental, here are some of the pictures of my time in boston!!!

these kobe beef burgers were amazing even through we were sick!

i want their costumes!

texting away at our only cheap lunch. barbequed kalbi!

i was not in the mood to talk when my dad called. hahahahha!!

the best thing i bought in months, from…beacon street i think? comme des garcons sneakers for $115!!!

alex walked ahead in 2 of my pictures. that’s fine, but why is he touching his hair in both instances? aha!

lobster love <3

alex totally cracked me up when he put on his neighbour’s hat.

the only picture we took together. that’s me in my grandma-ish, brrr i-have-a-cold clothes.

and two of the best things that i found in boston?

it’s actually possible to find your way to wonderland.

and…

if you’re ever feeling bored, it’s really your own fault. HA!

it’s a bird!!

it’s a monkey!!

nope, it’s gilda with some psycho hair!!

alright, alright. those of you who twitter know that i’ve colored my hair again! i whined about my lack of funds last month, which was the reason behind my very lackluster hair. i’m still really broke, but after over 2 months of not cutting it, i really just couldn’t take it anymore.

i called ayumi, my stylist, up last thursday morning (on the 7th), and she told me she would cut and color my hair after she finished coloring pat’s. so i made my way down to the salon that afternoon and sat in that chair for 3 hours getting cut, bleached and colored.

i had torn out a page from a magazine of a hairstyle that i really liked. it was kind of mushroom-shaped, asymmetric, and erm, you know, pretty cool. i really liked it.

i showed the page to ayumi and we decided to bleach my roots out. however, because i had colored my hair a wine-purple color twice before this, i would probably wreck my hair trying to bleach out all that color in the attempt to get it ash-blond. so ayumi convinced me that it would be pretty cool to just bleach my roots out, blend it into my current hair color, and then to just color the roots. i had never heard of nor seen such a hair style before. roots are usually darker and the rest of the hair is usually lighter, and what she was suggesting was the opposite of that! light roots and darker hair.

but hey, i’m up for anything new. and unlike some girls who panic and go berserk when hair mishaps happen, to me, hair is hair, is hair is hair! it’ll grow back and a color job gone wrong can be corrected in two weeks. so i went for it!

i sat through a bleach job that burned a hole in my scalp, and we also added some very bold bleached streaks underneath the top layer of hair. ayumi called me a colored monkey because with the bleached hair and my reddish ends, i really looked like those monkeys from the 2nd picture.

then mid-way through my hair-bleaching process, with my roots turning orange and yellow, and major foil pieces in between, a minor problem happened with some chinese construction workers at pat’s house nearby and i was called to go over and talk to them! (they couldn’t speak a work of english and i was the only one who could communicate in mandarin.) so i walked over wearing nothing but grey polka-dot tights, a black plastic salon robe, and foil in my hair. yep, out of the patricia field shop (the salon is in the basement of the shop) and onto the streets of bowery, trying to look cool.

hahahah it was a little funny!! at least i felt quite ridiculous, but i tried to hurry over looking like i do this ever other day. hee hee hee!

ayumi cut my hair later, and she did it a little differently from the picture. which i really liked when i sat there in the salon chair, but when i went back home later that night i decided i really liked the cut in the picture more. after all, i had actually kept that torn magazine page on my inspiration wall for about a month now!

so i took my hair scissors and snipped the right side of my hair, making my fringe and right side sloped. granted, i’m no hairdresser and i was nervous about cutting off my eyeballs and earlobes, so everything was pretty evenly cut except right at those two areas! (please do not attempt this at home, kids. especially not if you’re the type who bawls with something goes wrong with your hair. and if you do attempt to cut your own hair, make sure you do not sneeze. haha!)

my hair isn’t long enough to look like the picture, but i’m still really pleased with the results. in fact, it’s really the craziest haircut and color job i’ve ever had!!! i really need to take some better photos out under the sun, so that you can see how many colors i have in my hair. it’s quite crazy. i’ve got pink at the roots, then it blends to orange before turning red from my previous dye job, and at some parts it’s purple at the tips.

when i went to work the next day and showed ayumi my self-cut hair, she laughed and said i did a pretty good job considering i didn’t know what i was doing. haha! i’ll probably get her to trim it neat once i get the chance.

black washed-silk vest by me
white shirt with scallop hem by me
studded plaid belt
gingham bow by louloulovesyou
cargo pants by rna
black tote by h&m
neon pink watch by toywatch
ballet flats
sailor’s cap

remember that sailor’s cap? it was a really cheapo $13 cap that i bought from a halloween store last month for sushi’s birthday party, that was nautical themed. i fell in love with it but it was really badly made. i mean, what can you expect for something that costs less than a meal in new york city? it even had one of those super ugly plastic things at the back, that you find at the back of caps. i don’t know what they’re called, but they’re like the cap version of velcro, meant to adjust the size of caps. it made the whole thing look so darn cheap.

so i took some milliner’s tape and covered that ugly thing up, then sewed some sequin fabric (left over from my sequined hammer pants) onto the brim of the hat, that was originally just black plastic.

in an instant, that cap just looked a ton better! magic! i love it so much i’ve been bringing the cap everywhere with me.

note to self: stop making stupid faces!

it’s not a great picture, and i wish there was more light so you can see how the sequins reflect, but it’s pretty amazing. the next time i feel a little crafty, i’ll go over the crest patch and sew black and gold beads over it.

anyway, sorry for the lack of updates. i’m actually in boston right now, visiting my darling friend alex whom i’ve known since i was like, 8 or something. actually we’re so comfortable with each other sometimes it’s like we’re just brother and sister. nah, more like some really jaded couple that’s been married for 50 years. haha! this is my last chance to really relax. once i get back to new york, it’s more work at patricia field’s, then a few days of trade shows with femme sud, then a frantic rush to finish my summer homework which i haven’t touched at all, and on september 2nd, school starts!

i can’t believe it! my whole summer, gone! over! i’m so dreading going back to the robotic life of a fashion student at parsons. i love designing and get inspired all the time, but parsons seriously sucks and i hate that the school often makes me hate fashion!!

.

.

update @ 02:58am:

AHA!! i found a picture taken earlier today (paparazzi shot by alex) that shows my hair from the top! you’ll get the idea that it’s actually pretty bright in the sunlight. i’ve gotten slightly too many stares here in boston. eeps!

more for nosey parkers:
8 good reasons to get yourself a new ‘do

photo by regin@

the summer olympics in beijing has started! how many of you are glued to your tv? the olympics is supposed to be a time for us to forget about all this political nonsense that is going on around the world. but…. can we really?

so much has happened in the recent months building up to the summer olympics that’s held in beijing. i’ve read about a lot of people who have chosen to boycott the games and not watch it on tv. personally, i did consider that move too. but i realise that i love sports too much to be able to stay away.

photo by ~~ zorro ~~

a part of me tells myself that just boycotting the television won’t do anything to stop the stupidity of the chinese government. the other part of me argues that it helps to make a point.

what is your stance?

on a lighter note, i have to give it to the chinese. the opening ceremony was really spectacular. i didn’t watch it from the start but i’ll probably be catching a repeat when it comes on. fireworks do nothing to impress me, but the amount of practise that must have gone into all those dances!! it was rather amazing. the (not-so-funny) joke was that it might have been their only way to get proper meals every day, and hopefully they did. or that if they didn’t do what was told of them, they would be executed. whichever the case, you should definitely catch a rerun of the opening ceremony if you haven’t already.

here are some tips on how you can enjoy the games, whether you like sports or not.

are you planning on watching the games?
you’ll need
1. a television (preferably huge and flat-screen)
2. a great couch or armchair that you can sink into
3. tons of yummy snacks and drinks, or at least peanuts and beer
4. friends who either have a big tv, or who’ll be fun to watch with
5. a nearby sports bar that you can go to for the big games
6. internet access
7. sportsmanship and an open mind

decide on what you want to watch
i always try to catch different games that i’ve never watched before. you never know if it turns out to be really interesting! you might find a new favorite sport. however, don’t attempt to watch everything there is. you’ll start to lack sleep and eye-bags and blood-shot eyes have never been known to be pretty accessories. what are your favorite sports to watch? i really enjoy swimming, diving, synchronized swimming, anything gymnastics, field hockey, soccer, short distance track events and many more. what games are you planning to follow?

which team are you supporting?
besides picking which sports to follow, it might also be fun to pick either one, or several teams to support! i’m from singapore and erm, the olympic team is usually really… “sad” and sometimes comprise of imported athletes. so although i do support my country’s team, i am also ardently supporting japan. hey, i did live there for almost 4 years and i’ve watched enough of those guys on tv to want to support them! are you supporting your own country? or are you also secretly rooting for someone else?

make it a party!
gather a few friends to watch together. it’ll be even more fun if everyone would dress up in team colors. better yet: if you and your friends support opposing teams. cheering for different teams is fun! and then preferably you’ll be cheering for the winning team so you can do some friendly jeers and yeah-yeah-yeahs at your loser friends. heh heh. all in the name of fun of course. don’t start throwing punches.

adjust your sleeping clock
with the games being held in beijing this year, you might be in a completely different time zone. check the official beijing olympic site for schedules, and your local tv or cable website to make sure of the date and time. go to bed earlier and wake up in the middle of the night to watch must-see games! try to keep the noise levels down to avoid annoying the neighbours. and definitely try not to miss work! that would be terrible! or at least save the “i’m dying of food poisoning” excuse for the day of the finals.

locate that nearby sports bar
there’s nothing more fun than to watch the games with fellow sports fans. find a bar nearby that is equipped with great screens and surround sound system, and serve ice cold beers and snacks. it must be one with a nice friendly atmosphere too! you don’t want to be stuck in the middle of rowdy hooligans. if you have never been to a sports bar, try to at least go to one during the big games. it’s really fun, especially if you can find a group of fans who are cheering for the same team! wear your favorite team’s colors, jersey replicas if you have it, paint your face, parade with country flags, and chant songs!

learn about the olympics
take the chance to learn more about the olympics and its history. it is never too late to educate yourself. also learn more about the host country and that of your favorite team.

“but i hate sports and i hate the olympics and my boyfriend is ignoring me!”
are you one of those annoying girls? haha just kidding. but i can understand that there must be boys and girls out there who have absolute no interest in the games. although you must be annoyed with the olympics, don’t be a pest yourself and attempt to prevent your friend or significant other from watching the games. instead, be a nice and understanding friend/girlfriend/boyfriend! work out a pact with your significant other and make sure they know that you are trying to understand, but that you also want to have some quality time together. try to arrange a schedule around the games! your other half should also be understanding and agree to sacrifice some less important games to spend time with you instead.

take this opportunity to learn how to enjoy being by yourself!
a lot of people i know are scared to be alone. i can never understand that. although i love being with people and having a laugh with my friends, i also love spending time by myself. it isn’t the end of the world, and when you can learn to enjoy being by yourself, you’ll also learn to love yourself more. really!

did you know?
the olympic creed reads:

the most important thing in the olympic games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. the essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

isn’t that beautiful? it is definitely something we can apply to anything in life. the slogan for this year’s olympics also reads “one world, one dream“. while there might be hypocrites out there in the political world, take that slogan to heart and learn to set aside all differences, whether it is with our skin color or race or religion. start by making that change within yourself, and then make that change happen with your friends, and teach that to your children and your children’s children. i’m here living in america, the “land of dreams”, it’s 2008 and i’m still facing racist stares!!

“i’m starting with the man in the mirror. i’m asking him to change his ways. and no message could have been any clearer: if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that change.”
-man in the mirror, michael jackson

more reading for nosey parkers:
fore more amazing ideas, check out oneprettything’s olympic roundup
enjoy the olympics, and hope

“headfone dreamy” by yoko furusho

on thursday, my roommate mark and i went to see my friend, yoko’s solo exhibition.

i got to know yoko perhaps a year ago, through my japanese blog. she is a friend of a friend’s, and i had clicked on her profile, after seeing her super cute, hand-drawn avatar. her work totally blows me away!! it’s so cute, so intricate and detailed, and so… japanese. i think that’s the best way to describe it!

yoko furusho is a recent graduate of the school of visual arts in new york. although if you ask me, she really doesn’t need much teaching because talent like that can’t be taught. you either have it or you don’t, and the girl sure has it!!

yoko recently won a competition with new york’s chopsticks magazine. this means she will be designing their cover for the next year! it’s a free magazine that i always pick up when i go to the japanese supermarkets or any japanese related store, so i’m really proud to tell everyone, “i know the girl who draws this!” heh heh.

her solo show was called exhale, and exhale we did!

i notice a lot of similar color palettes in your illustrations, that are also very detailed and textured. have you always done this?
i think that’s my palette. i’ve never tried to use that color palette, it just comes out naturally.

have you always drawn in this same style or has your style developed over time?
i try not to think about “style”. i think, it develops when it develops. so, i’m not sure about it.

what inspires you?
i think all my pieces are based on my imagination. so, fantasy books? like alice in wonderland. and photographers.

“a mad tea party”

“the queen’s croquet-ground”

do you work in a studio or do you like going out to get inspiration?
i usually don’t need to go out to get the inspiration. i work at my place, but i’m gonna share the studio with my friends soooon!

how old where you when you first started drawing, and when did you decide you wanted to do this as a career?
i liked drawing since i was a child. and at that point, i already decided to live with something related to art.

“world04″

do you ever have days when you simply cannot draw?
yes.

what can’t you draw?
a lot of things!! but after started my career as an illustrator, i’ve been trying to put some objects that i’ve never drawn before in each illustration.

“galliano’s girl”

as an artist, does the city you’re in affect your work?
yes. this city makes me feel like, i can do everything. so it makes me stay positive and feel lot of possibilities. i think that because this city is full of energy.

what are your favorite mediums?
ink and acrylic.

“world”

which is your favorite illustration?
i like my illustration that i did only for me

who are your favorite artistes or illustrators?
kiki smith, william kentridge, akio tomari and franceska woodman.

“seven deadly sins” for vain magazine

do you start off with an idea in your head, or do you just start drawing with a blank canvas and see where it goes?
both. for my personal piece, i usually start with nothing. for a job, i start with bunch of sketches.

what has been the most difficult piece that you’ve done so far?
nnn, every single time, i struggle!

what’s next for you?
i wanna try many many things! i think illustration is really usable art. like, i can print it on the fabric, can make a book, can be for magazine and so on. so i wanna try many possibilities, not only just for the magazine.

“moulin rouge”

i think she has a long and successful career ahead of her!! head on over to yokofurusho.com to see more of yoko’s amazing work. if you’re in new york and would like to see some of her work up close, go to destination new york, which is on little west 12th street in the meatpacking district. the exhibition runs till september 5th!

good luck, yoko! がんばってねぇ☆

all artwork copyright to yoko furusho

on thursday july 31st, my roommate and i went to see my friend, yoko’s solo exhibition at destination nyc, a shop in the meatpacking district. yoko is a fabulous illustrator so i was very excited to get to see her work. i’m writing a post and doing an interview with her, so more on that very soon!!

this was what i wore to the exhibition. please excuse my inexistent facial expression and erm, just overall dead looks!!! what happened was, mark, my roommate, wanted a picture of himself and he stood in the same spot while i tried to take his photo with his camera. but being the goon that i am, i couldn’t take a good shot and it was all blurry!! so we exchanged places and i stood in the same spot, while he took my place behind the camera to figure out his camera settings, before handing the camera over to me, for me to take a picture of him! haha! get it?? so i was really just standing there, not to pose. my purpose was as a camera test. hence… i had no expression on my face at all. i look dead! hahahaha.

“who killed anna wintour?” tshirt
avant garde skirt by junya watanabe for comme des garcons (who else)
tabi canvas boots by maison martin margiela
neon pink watch by toywatch

just a short post today because i’ve been busy trying to fix problems on this blog!! i just checked how this looks on internet explorer with my windows program, and it looks terrrrrrible!!!! i’m usually use firefox on my mac and so i never realised how bad it was on ie. if anything looks funny to you guys, please let me know so i can try to fix it!! thank you so much.

ps: it’s 7 am on sunday morning and i just made myself an uber-sinful thick chocolate milkshake with haagen-dazs choc choc chip ice-cream and full fresh milk from the farmers’ market. oh my god it is so good!!!

a quick outfit post before i go to bed. it’s 5:55am and i’m wide awake. am i crazy?? i need to sleep! i have to get up and go to work by 11! ugh! but before my head hits my pillow and i knock out, i wanted to post this up before it becomes yesterday’s news. what am i talking about… this was an outfit from the 27th, so it’s already a day old! old = stale = no good. haha!

anyway. oops, i did it again. i went overboard with dressing myself in the morning. i think i have a defective gene in my system that screams at me whenever i look in my closet each morning after my shower. it says, “gilda!!! go on! do it! you know you want to! you know you want to overdress!”

dammit. but well, this is what i wore for the 2nd time i worked on the floor at pat field’s. i’m not exactly sure how much i sold, because my name isn’t in the system (since i’m not technically an actual salesperson there). but i’m pretty sure i sold quite a bit and i was so happy. wheee!!

soft like silk tshirt by undercover
crazy denim skirt with tulle by apollo braun
glitter stockings by betsey johnson
chain necklace by mercibeaucoup;
cute flats by mercibeaucoup;
ugly hair by two months of no hair-cuts

i love my new stockings

aren’t they darling? i got them at century 21 (discount store yeah yeah yeah!) for like, 10 bucks. it’s a gorgeous turquoise colour and has these bright blue glittery lines running down the length of it. you probably don’t see that much of the turquoise color in the photos because it’s all stretched out by my fat legs hahahaha. but who cares i love ‘em! if it wasn’t disgusting to re-wear stockings, i’d wear them for the entire week, but alas, i have some sense of hygiene and have put it in my laundry basket with a sigh.

and yes yes you don’t have to tell me that my hair is disgustingly overgrown. i really hate it. it’s reddish-purple now with purple ends, but my roots are horrific and i obviously need a haircut. i’ve preached before about cutting one’s hair when it’s about time to get a haircut, but this is the first time i think i’ll admit that i have to eat my own words. my own post. literally. swallow it down.

the simple fact that i’m fucking broke overrides any other material or vain needs. i typically get a haircut every month because my hair strands are really thin (the only skinny thing about me and i hate it! HAHAHAHAAH!) and they are flatter than i ever want them to be, so i usually try to get a cut every month or at least 6 weeks, to bring some life to them. my hair does grow really fast, so not cutting it often means it gets really heavy and weighed down. it’s been more than 8 weeks since my last hair cut. oh my god i think i last cut my hair when school ended in mid may! that’s 10-11 weeks. it’s terrible and i hate that it looks so untidy! it’s a mess when i get up each morning and a pain to try and style.

i’ve been trying to keep it long and resisted cutting it for as long as i could. then just when i couldn’t take it any longer and badly wanted ayumi (my stylist) to work her magic on my hair, i went broke. then my cousin came to new york last week and going out to dinner everyday made me officially bankrupt.

did you hear me? i’m broke. broke broke broke!!! even my hello kitty piggy bank, i mean kitty bank, is shaking its head at me. it’s terrible. please send me a kfc coupon. or better yet, a peter luger’s gift certificate. pfft just kidding.

i’m sorry if you’re vegetarian and i hope i don’t piss you off, but in all honesty, every time i go broke, the only thing on my mind is a nice juicy steak. i think it’s because i try to cut down on all indulgences, my mind goes a little crazy and i just want fatty meat.

this week’s what i love about me, ties in with my recent post, “coming out of the closet“. i talked about the story of josh, and how we should all take little steps to achieving our dreams, because even little birds don’t fly at first try.

and writing that reminded me of one thing that i did love about myself. i am very very stubborn (in both good and bad ways). a good interpretation of it is that i am very determined and when i want something, i work my ass off to get it.

if i put my mind to it, i can achieve just about anything! ★

(yes, that photo was taken on a particularly hot and sweaty day. and since you can see some of my side profile, you’ll know that i do have the biggest, round head, as evil commenter #3 said! hahaha! whatever!!)

well one thing for sure, no matter how hard i try, i ain’t gonna get that head smaller. no one can diet on skulls and i’m happy with the quality of my brain in it, thank you very much!

enough about me and funny comments, here is one that i received on “coming out of the closet“.

casey-scott is so nice and cute, and he left such a great comment for me, i wanted to share it with everyone.

what i do love is that i was able to realise that the only person who truly matters, and who i truly have to do proud is myself. what other people think about us is really none of our business. accepting that, and realising that - in a non-narcissistic or self-absorbed way - i’m the most important person that i have to please, was such a release for me. i love that feeling of just pure comfortability (is that a word? ha!), and the way that happiness just feels so much more … pure, if that makes any sense?

and, you know what? i think the thing that i’ve found is that, in accepting who i was and allowing myself to navigate my own life, i’ve gained respect for it. “coming out of the closet”, whether it is about our sexuality or - like you raised - our dreams, is a huge step of courage; but it’s an amazingly liberating step at the same time.

life is good, and that’s worth celebrating.

don’t you think it’s great, how he put that in words? it’s something i always wanted to say but could never find the words to say it right. happiness really does feel “pure”, when you’re comfortable with yourself and who you are. and everyday becomes a celebration and every moment is worthy of a smile.

and as i’m typing this, i’m watching legally blonde 2 on tv, and smiling at how elle tells everyone to do her snap cup. wouldn’t it be great if we could all make one for ourselves and our friends, to highlight our achievements and give ourselves every little reason to feel proud of ourselves?

“gather around friends and foes together united and bound, pass it to your neighbor instead of blowing up, and we’ll find harmony and love in the snap cup!“

so snaps to you, casey-scott! you’re my hero today!

photo by barnsley anna

i was walking around the basement level of the patricia field store on monday, you know, doing my thang. no i’m bullshitting, i was going around looking at our merchandise, gathering stuff for the website. there was no one else on the floor except this one customer, a middle-aged guy, dressed in rolled up denim shorts, a washed-out tshirt, and glasses on his head.

although he didn’t look like our usual customer, i smiled and said hello, then didn’t take much notice of him as i looked through the racks. then out of the corner of my eye, i realized how shocked he looked. literally, he was in a state of shock, with his mouth slightly opened, his eyes wide, and his arms a little away from his body with his fingers all straightened. his head was turning slowly from side to side, and he was just looking around almost in some state of disarray.

“are you alright?” i asked.

“i’ve just never been in a store like this before,” he said. “tell me, do guys wear clothes like this too?”

“well, not all guys. but yes i have seen a lot of guys dressing up and going a little bling-bling. even if they don’t wear the clothing, some of them pile on the accessories,” i replied.

as i stood there for the next 15 minutes talking to him, he told me a lot of things about himself that he claimed had never told anyone before. he said that his “feminine, bi side is just screaming to get out”.

i learnt that his name was ****, let’s call him josh, and that he was from memphis. josh comes to new york every summer, but he had never heard of patricia field and had never been to the store. he had never explored his sexuality even though he knew he was different. “i’ve been looking for a store like this my whole life.”

“how is it like in memphis? are people open to gays?”

“oh no, you’d get killed. i mean, you wouldn’t get killed, but socially you’re as good as dead. people would ostracize you and shun you,” he said.

“well you’re in new york city now. if you think you want to explore this side of you, you’re in the perfect city to do it! and the perfect shop. no one’s going to look at you differently in here. everyone’s so nice and so open.”

josh seemed to take a liking to this particular accessory that i was standing next to, which was made out of very shiny silver beads and basically had strings of beads attached to a choker, giving it a sort of harness look. i showed him how to put it on and told him he could just wear it on bare skin if he wanted, or it could look great with a singlet or with a leather vest thrown over. “what do you think?” i asked him, after i had ushered him into the dressing room and he tried it on.

“i’m just taking it in right now, give me a moment. wow, this is so new to me and i’m so lost. i’ve never done this before. i’m just taking it in. wow…” he kept saying, covering his mouth with his hand at times.

my heart went out to josh. i know how it is like to live in a stifling situation where a part of you is dying to “get out” and yet it can’t. it is a terrible, terrible feeling.

josh said that he would be in town till wednesday, and so i told him that tuesdays in new york is gay night. he had a whole day to get ready, to take a deep breath, gather some courage, and go out and explore a new side of himself. i told him that if it was too overwhelming, that he shouldn’t attempt too big a step, but to take little ones until he becomes more comfortable with his sexuality. “don’t do a whole outfit and make yourself feel self-conscious. you can take small steps like starting out with accessories. a little bird doesn’t fly at first try.”

“thank you so much, gilda. i’m so glad it was you who i met. you were so nice to talk to me and tell me that it’s ok, if it’s really what i wanted. i was ready to run when i met you. literally, i was going to bolt out of the shop because i was so scared.”

it was the nicest thing i had heard all month.

i had to get back to work and introduced josh to one of my favorite stylists/sales assistants, omar, who helped josh try on a few different outfits. he left the store after a long while, without making any purchase. when i went upstairs to get something, the girl behind the register told me that josh sent his biggest hugs and thanks.

a few hours later into the day, josh was back and i spotted him trying bolder accessories and even leather harnesses.

i don’t know if he made a purchase in the end, but i know that even if he didn’t, that he would be back one day. maybe next summer, when he comes back to new york.

“how you do feel, gilda, now that you’re responsible for making someone gay?” asked mars, who also works in the store.

“i didn’t make him gay, he made it sound like he was almost choking because he had never allowed this side of himself to emerge before! i only told him that it was ok to let go!”

i felt like a mother bird watching her baby learn how to fly. and i wish i had given josh a hug.

i’ve never experienced the “i realized i’m gay” emotional rollercoaster (because i’m not), so i cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be for some people. i’ve asked some gay friends of mine about it and some of them were born into such strict, religious families or environments, that they were really rejected by their own family and the societies they were in, when they came out of the closet.

my own “coming out of the closet” experience, was of a different sense. i realized the path of life that i wanted to take, and it was so different from who i was supposed to become. i had always been a science student and enjoyed physics and chemistry. i had wanted to be a vet when i was younger and had seriously read every single book about dogs in the national library. my parents had high hopes for me and sent me to the best schools to have the best possible education. then i decided to do fashion.

i can’t tell you how hard it was when i first told my parents about it. they were so angry. in singapore back then (i make myself sound so old), the only people who did fashion, or anything art-related, were the people who “couldn’t make it”. they were the people who couldn’t do well in school. or at least that was the image that people in singapore had. and many still have the same opinions today.

all my peers were going to university, to become doctors, lawyers, auditors, engineers, bankers. and there i was, telling my parents that i didn’t want to do university. i wanted to go into fashion where my passion lies. i knew i might not earn a living, i knew i’ll probably be living on bread and butter, but this is what i wanted to do. i was going to take the unbeaten path.

my mother was a little furious and screamed, “i thought all along that you wanted to become a vet!”

it was hard. and i was so angry and i felt so suffocated. i didn’t want to live a lie. i only get to live once. i wanted to just do what i was passionate about, and that was fashion. my parents wanted me to “go to university and get a proper degree, and then i can do whatever i wanted to after that”. but i didn’t want to waste my life away doing something that i had no interest in. i love animals, don’t get me wrong, but i realized that i couldn’t go through all the emotional heartache of being a vet and having to help dying animals and sad stories like that. what if i couldn’t save them? i couldn’t deal with my own dog’s death and i knew that it would kill me everytime a dog were to die in my clinic.

so i went against their wishes and started to work instead. my friends couldn’t understand me either. so for almost a year, i hardly kept in contact with any of them except my best friends who were always there for me.

it was a very difficult, long and winding road that i walked alone. this was also the time in my life when all sorts of shitty things happened, which i had talked about sometime ago. it took me 2 years, but in that time my parents, whose opinion and support mattered the most to me, finally grew to accept the new me, and now they encourage me whole-heartedly. my friends also came around and told me that they admired that i had the courage to follow my dreams.

i think that those 2 years, although difficult, forced me to really grow up and i discovered so many new things about myself. i also realized that if i put my mind to it, i can really achieve anything i wanted to. and look where i am right now? i’m living my dream and i’m not even pinching myself to check that i’m awake.

i hope i get to meet josh again. and i hope that the next time i get to see him, that he would be happy and smiling, instead of with a scared and bewildered look on his face.

to all of you joshes out there, don’t wait for someone to give you a little nudge. don’t drown in your own fear.

is there a side of you that is screaming to come out? is there a part of you that is waiting to be discovered? is there another you inside, that is getting suffocated?

or have you already come out of the closet?

today was a special day. if you’ve been following freebird, you’ll know that i am currently working part-time in the back office at patricia field’s shop. my work is basically to help out with the web orders, and also i work closely with the buyers (erm, to get merchandise to stock the shop!). that is what i’ve been doing the past couple of months. however, today, my manager asked me to help out in the store for a few hours in the evening.

help out. in the store. like the store-store. on the floor.

don’t get me wrong, i didn’t dread any of that. my dream in life isn’t to be a salesgirl, but my little secret is that i really do love it. the thing is, i grew up helping out in my parents’ shop. even when i was still quite a kid, i would go down and help sell stuff. when i was a teenager, i worked there during the school holidays to get some extra pocket money. i tend to get a little shy when meeting people for the first time, and i’m really bad at small talk and sometimes don’t know what to say. (so awkward. i am. very.)

but because i’ve worked in retail basically since i was a kid, i really love it. and because i sort of grew up doing that in my parent’s shop, to me, retail = my own business. when i later worked in a nail salon (please. nothing like the god-awful nail salons that are everywhere in new york.) for a short 3-month stint, i really learnt the importance of customer service. i was friends with all my clients, and got to know some of them really very well. i knew everything about their family, their job, their relationships, etc. i got to know them, and they, me. and they would come back again and again.

i believe it is because i make it a point to make their experience at my shop (even if it wasn’t mine) an enjoyable, memorable one.

one of my clients became such a good friend, i got to know her entire family and she later offered me a job as her p.a.! i went to work for her for 9 months before i left for tokyo, and it was one of my best work experiences. we’re still great friends to this day and my sister is now also friends with her whole family!

so. back to the story. even though i only worked on the floor for 5 hours today, i was excited about it. i mean, it’s been a while since i’ve done some sales job, but to me, it was like getting back to basics. i believe every customer is important, even if the sale is small. a happy customer will keep coming back, and that “small” will grow pretty big. trust me on that one. my parents also taught me to be my own boss. and if i’m not yet at that kind of level, then treat the place i’m working at, as my own. personally, it is this way of thinking i have that has helped me in all my work experiences, because my bosses trust me enough to know i will do a good job.

besides, patricia field has the best kind of clothes in new york. new york fashion is not what i thought it would be. people here really don’t dress up that much. yes, you do get the classy chic people. but the majority of the population is just a big blah. if you’re like me, you probably thought that new york was a pretty darn stylish place.

eh— wrong. sex and the city gave you the wrong impression. it sure gave me one. when i first came here, i was shocked. i thought, “where were all the beautiful people!?” the reason why new york looked as good as it did in sex and the city, is because of patricia field. you can’t argue against that. it’s a fact.

so it was great just working on the floor and helping out whichever customer i could. the kind of shopping experience you get in the store, the kind of stuff we actually have, is like no other in new york city. one lady picked up the leather finger tip gloves we have, and asked, “why do you guys make these gloves? why just 4 fingers? does it serve a purpose?”

i said, “its purpose is to be fabulous!! it doesn’t need any other reason! i bought one before i started working here and trust me it was worth every penny.”

i know i sound lame, but personally, i hope that customers, especially the ones i served, leave the shop feeling happy and satisfied!

did that last sentence sound like i was prostituting? hahaha.

my dream is to one day have my own little store, stocked with things that i love and things that i’ve designed myself. and i want to be there and sell my own things to my customers! personal service! that’s my ideal future.

anyway, some of you might know that i recently had the chance to meet loulou, the girl behind loulou loves you! she makes the cutest satin knickers and all kinds of bows. i make bows myself too, but loulou’s are big and too cute.

i know i have been posting too many outfit photos recently. i know that because i have received a couple of hate mail. haha! (they were too funny and some people have nothing better to do. i put myself out there and i’ve been honest about everything, so if you don’t like my blog, you can leave. but more on that another day!)

however, this bow was so cute and i got so many compliments on it, i couldn’t not put up a picture. thank you loulou! i wish i wasn’t so broke when i met you, or i would have bought more!

gingham bow by louloulovesyou
zamiang! tshirt by jun takahashi (undercover) for hysteric mini
the aristocats‘ marie purse from tokyo disney
turquoise crinoline
navy tights
studded boots by junya watanabe
neon pink watch by toy watch

the first thing my roommate said when i came home today was, “*gasp*! you walked around town like that?”

hahahahahahaha. i know. i’m an asian circus.

ps: oh man, i never realized my window was so disgustingly dirty! how did all those fingerprints get there? eek!!

i know a lot of you think i have such a fun and fabulous life filled with dress up parties. well, it’s true! haha no i’m just kidding. the truth is that i am sitting in my oversized tshirt and shorts as i’m typing this in my living room, because i don’t have an air conditioner besides the one in my own bedroom. yes, you heard me. i’m living in an oven.

the other truth is, that my last week was really filled with fun events. it was the independence day weekend here in america, and i also attended sushi’s birthday party (he’s one of my bosses). so of course it was an opportunity for me to dress up and be a little more costume-y than i normally am (as if i don’t already overdress all the time, right? heh heh.)

so i received the above invitation in my inbox. i was so excited. i mean, i haven’t been on any boat or ferry since i got here in new york. and here we were, going to take one to some place called william wall. i had no idea where that was, but i didn’t care. all i could think about was: sailor, nautical, sailor, nautical, i have no costume!!!

i popped down to the shop the day before the party, to pass something to one of my bosses, and they reminded me of the party. i told them i’ll be looking for something to wear, and that i’ll meet them at the shop to go together. because obviously i didn’t want to get lost.

i looked at our own shop first, of course. i mean, it is after all, patricia field! and i know they used to stock sailor-ish items, and my manager wears the sailor cap all the time. but i guess, i was fresh out of luck and they were fresh out of stock. so i walked over to screaming mimi’s at lafayette street and told them i had a costume party to attend. they were sooo nice and gave me 3 options to pick from!

with my costume all set, i had nothing else to worry about. i didn’t know if anyone else was buying sushi a present. i’ve only been working there about 2 months and his party was the first one i attended, so i had no idea what the “office policy” was, and i decided buying one was better than not!! so i got him a bottle of veuve clicquot from the union square wine and spirits shop.

the day of the party, i went and got my make up done by regan at mac in the flatiron building. he’s so cute and such a whiz. obviously. i mean, my make up was perfect. PERFECT.

40’s make up by regan! well, excuse the shitty hair.

on the way to the shop

(pssst!! i’ve just been told that the photo above was featured on bits and bobbins!! i’m so excited!! thank you so much, tricia!)

my roommate, mark, came with me and we arrived at the shop at about 7pm. to my horror, NO ONE was in costume. i was like, “HEY!!! why’s everyone not dressed up!!!” apparently, they all got lazy. what?!! &(*#!@^!(@*#&!(@*$^@$#^!!!!!

(did i forget to warn you guys that this is going to be such a photo fest?)

dai was playing a little game, with folded paper. i have no idea what the game is called but i used to play it when i was younger too. i didn’t know it was such a…. such an international game. hee hee!

photos by julie

so ANYWAY, we finally made our way to get to the boat. holy moly, i never knew such things were possible in new york! or that i could ever afford it! i mean, we only had to pay $10 bucks for a return trip! everyone else there at the piers were all these dressed up investment banker types who turned their noses up at us. i hoped some worm would crawl up their nostrils. we saw all these exciting huge-ass yachts and of course got ourselves all excited! i wanted to get onto the moet boat

then of course, reality bit us in our butts and reminded us that we weren’t so fabulous, when we were ushered by this lady onto a small speed boat. haha. she was from the yacht club and already a little drunk. and wouldn’t stop talking. tony wasn’t very pleased with her because she wouldn’t stop talking. just kidding. i mean he wasn’t annoyed. but she really didn’t stop talking.

floats - my best accessory

the view from the barge

we arrived at william wall, which was actually a barge in the middle of the hudson. it was so beautiful. then the most terrible thing happened. it started to rain the moment we got to the barge. it wasn’t just rain. i mean, it was fucking pouring! like a huge thunderstorm! the sky was black and the wind was howling. people started screaming and the barge was shaking. honestly, i was quite scared. it was like the titanic!! there was hardly any shelter on the deck, and the plastic chairs started flying. it got really crazy when people were actually starting to push each other to get to safety! good grief!

we got drenched and everyone was running to the lower deck. it was terrible! you know those dance steps from madonna’s vogue? yeah i was kinda doing that. to protect my make up from the thunderstorm!!

we were stuck in the lower deck for at least half an hour. then tobell comes up from nowhere, wearing a life vest! AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH i tell you, i honestly lost it. and she very nonchalantly said, “i can’t swim.” oh my god pffffft!!!

tobell is accessorising

anyway. the storm cleared up after a long while and we finally got to go back up on the deck. it was really pretty and we could see manhattan’s skyline. we could even see the statue of liberty from where we were. miss liberty was kinda far away and even though we wanted to take her picture, she refused to turn her head towards us. so obnoxious. the sky was still a little foggy, but just being there was fabulous. the sound of the waters, the fresh air… life is beautiful when you take some time to appreciate everything around you. and friends! nothing’s better than that!

the gorgeous people i work with

the birthday boy and me

the city as my backdrop

isn’t tony such a gem?

only half of sushi’s party was there because of the storm. they didn’t let anymore people take the boat over to meet us, so a lot of the people from the shop couldn’t come over to the barge. i think pat was supposed to come too but ahh well, nature wouldn’t have it. a boat came to ferry some of the other people away (there were other strangers on the barge) and told us they’ll be back to pick the rest of us soon.

so we sat around and took pictures and got drinks and had a laugh. it was hilarious. we waited for the boat for another like, hour or two!! wtf! it was getting a little cold and i had only had one drink although i’m pretty sure some of us got quite drunk!

they turned off the lights on us when we got onto the boat, so it was hard to film, but we all started singing sushi a birthday song and it was so darn funny. you can hear me giggling a few times in that video. i think people were too high to realise that they sung sushi a birthday song, twice! hahaha!

two different sailor hats from the costume store
sailor dress (there’s actually the teeniest skirt attached to it!) by screaming mimi’s
white crinoline skirt
black tights
pink watch by toy watch
studded boots by junya watanabe

i love this sailor look. i’ve never tried it before, but now that i have, i can’t stop thinking about it. i love the sailor hat, and the captain’s cap. and my new “want” is a real captain’s cap. not the cheapo one that i bought from the costume shop for $13. but a real one. anyone knows where i can buy one? heh heh. i’ll live with the cheapo one till i find a nicer one. ahh! it’s great. i love it!!

so that tops off my amazing week! i had so much fun but it’s now back to reality. boo.

more reading for the nosey parkers:
how to be a little social butterfly